Mom really jumped on the bandwagon in October of 1986 when Daddy turned 65. She planned a wonderful birthday party for him. Little did she know that this was truly a significant surprise, as Daddy only had one more birthday after that.
Mom invited Daddy's golf buddies and their wives. It was going to be a surprise. She told Dad that they were going to dinner with one other couple to celebrate his birthday. That couple (I don't remember which one it was) arrived first and he still didn't suspect. Then friend after friend arrived and he was truly surprised. I think he really realized the surprise when I rang the front doorbell. I was living in Raleigh at the time and I drove to Shelby for his birthday celebration. I stayed with a friend so that he wouldn't know I was in town.
I arrived the Friday evening before the scheduled party on Saturday. As soon as Daddy left for golf on Saturday morning, I hurried over to Mom's to help her cook and get ready. We made a few pans of lasagne (one of Dad's favorites) and salad and bread. We actually hid the pans of lasagne in the cabinets so that Daddy wouldn't see them. I remember how tickled Mom and I got as we were thinking of which cabinets Daddy would never open so that we could hide the 'evidence!' That was the first time I ever had to hide prepared casseroles in china cabinets and other such places! I assembled the salad and heated the bread at the last minute after the guests arrived. We left behind no evidence that a dinner party was about to take place!
I left Mom's house before Daddy got home from golf. He never saw my car and had no idea I was in town.
Jim was a good husband and father and stayed in Raleigh. The boys had things going on (probably soccer games) and Jim didn't want me to have to worry about what they were up to as I helped get the party ready. As much as Daddy would have loved to see 'his boys,' I think we were all thrilled that I got to be there and share this special day with him without my usual distractions.
The lasgane we decided to make for the party was something we knew we could make in advance and then just heat up when it was needed. I also thought of it because it was Daddy's favorite thing that I cooked. Whenever Mom and Dad would come to Raleigh to visit I would make lasgane for dinner. I can actually picture Daddy coming into the kitchen in my house on Hemingway Drive in Raleigh and watching me cook. I can still 'hear' him as he would come up behind me and whisper in my ear "put lots of cheese in the lasagne." I always made it extra cheesey, just like he liked it. I think that was such a treat for him. I'm sure it wasn't great for his cholesterol, but a splurge here and there isn't always such a bad thing!
Once all the guests arrived we served wine, peanuts, and shrimp cocktail. Dad wasn't a wine drinker, but he loved dry roasted peanuts and shrimp cocktail! Those are two things I love too. Jim often teases me when I get into the jar of dry roasted peanuts that we always have in our cabinet and he calls me 'Joe Porter.'
As everyone was enjoying this cocktail time it gave everyone a chance to talk and a chance for Daddy to get over his shock! Meanwhile, Mom and I took turns sneaking into the kitchen to finish up the meal....after we retreived the pans of lasgane from their various hiding places! We not only hid the lasagne, but we also hid the loaves of Italian bread and the cake.
Daddy always had a huge grin when he was really happy. He had the biggest grin I had ever seen that night! I think Mom was thrilled that she managed to pull this off because she saw that giant grin too. Daddy was truly in his glory.
Being surrounded by these wonderful friends (the golf guys) and his wife and one of his daughters represented love to my Daddy. He never wanted for anything more than happy and healthy friends and family. Sharing moments with these people meant the world to him. While it is never possible to be surrounded by all your loved ones at one time, Daddy knew how to embrace the moments with those who were there at any given time. He always knew that those who weren't with him then would be with him at another time, and I know that they were always there in spirit.
While everything was heating up in the oven and everyone was enjoying their appetizers, some people wanted to honor Daddy in some way. Dick Hardeman read a poem he wrote that was just wonderful. It brought a lot of smiles, laughs and maybe even a tear or two. He has a way with words. I know we have a copy of that poem around somewhere and I look forward to uncovering it someday and re-reading it. I know he covered a lot of topics and really hit the nail on the head! Daddy loved it.
Some of Dad's other friends made toasts and had nice or funny things to say about him. I don't think I made a toast....I was busy taking pictures (as usual) and I was also busy soaking up all the joy that was in the room.
Mom, too, has a way with words. She wrote a brilliant poem for Jim and me that she read as a toast at our wedding rehearsal dinner. I cherish it and have it saved for prosterity. She was a hit then and she was also a hit at Daddy's birthday party. She read her poem and Daddy loved it so much. He gave her the biggest hug when she finished the poem. I am sure it ended with their favorite line: "Come grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." My parents had such a wonderful relationship. It saddens me that it was cut short. But there is a saying that goes something like 'it is better to have lived and loved than never to have loved at all.' I know there is truth in that as Mom tells me at least once a week that her life has been wonderful and she knows she has been blessed with a wonderful family and has always been surrounded by love.
Dinner was great and fun. The hidden lasagne had survived and everything turned out fine considering the odd and sneaky way it was all put together. Dinner conversation usually led to laughter every few minutes. Dad had some real 'joksters' as friends. You put George Corn, Bernard Harris, Tom Moss, Dick Hardeman, Bill Campbell and several other 'golf guys,' (along with their wives) around a dinner table and I can assure you someone will crack a joke or tell a funny or embarrassing story at any given time!
After dinner we went back into the family room to bring out the cake and have Daddy blow out the candles and make a wish. We made a pound cake with caramel frosting....always a family favorite. Mom had gotten these tall skinny candles so that we could fit several on the cake. I am sure we didn't put all 65, but the fire was burning bright nonetheless!
Daddy blew out the candles and made his wish. Just as we were about to cut the cake, in walks George Corn with a birthday cake shaped like a woman's body in a blue bikini....no head, no legs....just the body (yes, complete with 'boobs!') I thought Daddy was going to fall over laughing! It was really a funny cake and it was a perfect touch to end the evening. I think we ate the pound cake and saved the bikini cake to show some people the next day. I don't know who made the cake or where George came up with the idea, but it was a real hit at the party!
Bernard M. Baruch was a financier who left Wall Street to become an advisor to Woodrow Wilson during the first World War. He advised him on National Defense and then became a special advisor during the second World War. He worked with FDR and Eleanor Roosevelt.
He is quoted as saying: "I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am."
He lived to be 95 years old. I guess he felt like he was 80!
Although my Dad never really got to experience old age to this extent, his mantra was always 'you're as young as you feel!' I think had Daddy lived to be older than 66, he would have had the same sentiments as Mr. Baruch.
The years come and go. The older I get the faster they seem to go. I was having lunch with a friend of mine recently who is quite a bit older than I am. We were talking about this very thing and she said to me, "Just wait! Each year seems to go faster and faster."
This spoke to me. I don't like to think about life coming to an end, but just this week I have heard the news of 2 of my very good friends' moms passing away. I learned about the death of Eric's aunt who was close to my age. I also learned about a friend who has terminal cancer.
Knowing that my Dad only lived to be 66 makes me sad. Knowing he embraced life and lived it to the fullest makes me happy.
In fact, Daddy's last words to the nurse who held his hand were: "tell Mama and the girls I love them and I've had a good life."
So as every year seems to pass quicker and quicker, I am trying to vow to make each of my moments here on earth count. Although I look forward to an eternal heavenly life, I know that we were put on this earth for some purpose. We were given the capacity to love, to live, to embrace life. I know I have always tried to be this way, but I vow to try even harder. When people say Life if Short, they aren't kidding!
I plan to make my moments count. To love deeper. To experience more. To forgive. To continue to learn. To think broader and to savor everything. I plan to get out my 'to- do' list and my imaginary 'bucket list' and start crossing things off of them!
I hope everyone I know and love looks forward to hearing someone say to them Happy Birthday! That day is a significant symbol of one more year of life and a nudge to move forward through the next year with a loving and caring attitude and a new zest for life.
So here's to one more 'Happy Birthday' to you!
And memories are made of this.
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| Come Grow Old Along With Me |
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| Make a Wish! |
