Trick or Treat

It seems fitting at this time of year to write about various Halloweens past.  I have so many fond memories of Halloween and Fall, both as a kid growing up in Shelby and as a married adult with children.

A particularly memorable Halloween was back in the early 60s.  We lived on Woodside Drive, and I know that in those days it was safe to go out trick or treating without your parents.  Groups of kids would walk all over the neighborhood and you would pass many groups along the way.  It was one of those nights that was anticipated months in advance.
I remember that it was safe to make homemade treats and give them to the neighborhood children.  We had one of those wonderful neighbors who made popcorn balls and cookies.  Her name was Mrs. Sherer.  When you went to her house to trick or treat, you knew that you were not only going to receive one of her delicious homemade treats, you might very likely be invited inside her house to eat them and to have something to drink.  I seem to remember her playing the piano too!  It is sad that my children never got to experience something like this.
Besides going to Mrs. Sherer's house, we went up and down both sides of the street ringing as many doorbells as possible.  It was important to cover a lot of ground to get as many treats as possible!

I guess the year I was considered old enough to tag along with Martha and some of her friends was particularly exciting for me!  However, I was younger and didn't know how important the speed was .....faster meant more candy!  Martha was always very patient with me, but this particular Halloween she might have been just a little annoyed by my trailing behind.  I was always a few paces behind her.  Part of what made me slower was because I kept finding candy on the ground.  I would bend down and pick it up and add it to my bag.  I was small and close to the ground, I guess!  When we finally got home, exhausted yet excited to assess our treats, we sat down on the living room floor to dump out our bags.  I always like to sort my candy by types.  My bag had gotten awfully heavy, and when Martha and I dumped our bags out, I know why mine was so heavy....I had twice as much candy as she did!  Martha couldn't understand this since we went to exactly the same houses.  After examining her bag, she discovered her bag had a hole in it.  I was walking behind her picking up all the candy that slipped through the hole in her bag!  Of course, Daddy had to come in and play the diplomat.  He convinced me that the right thing to do would be to give Martha some of my candy.  I did so....reluctantly...... (but not after sorting and counting it first!)

When I was growing up, I also remember our church, Central Methodist, having a Fall Festival or Halloween carnival.  It was complete with games, a hot dog dinner, cake walk and costume contest.  We gathered in the Fellowship Hall for this event, and I looked forward to it as much as I did going trick or treating!  My favorite game was always Go Fishing.  It was so exciting to throw a fishing line (with help from one of the teens from MYF) over a backdrop and pull out a prize clipped to a clothespin on the end of the line!  I guess I have always been sort of naive and gullible....I really didn't 'catch on' (no pun intended) until I was old enough to be one of the teens who helped with the games!  I was never very good at apple bobbing, but I did love to pick up ducks!  The memories of this simpler time of celebration will forever be with me.

As an adult, I truly love making treat bags and giving them out to the neighborhood children on Halloween.  I have been doing this for the 38 Halloweens that I have been married!  I guess a few times I took the kids out trick or treating, but generally that was Jim's job because I didn't want to miss seeing the witches, goblins, and fairy princesses that graced my doorstep!  I love seeing the costumes and I love the excited expressions and 'thank yous' I receive when I drop a little decorated bag filled with candy into the plastic pumpkin, shopping bag, or pillowcase (for those who are very optimistic).

Jim and I went to several grown up Halloween parties where we dressed in costume.  We had friends in Raleigh who always hosted a themed party.  They were so much fun!  One year the theme was Video Games.  I was pregnant with Jimmy, so I dyed a bed sheet pink, cut jagged edges and cut out eye holes and went as Pinky the Ghost from Ms. Pac Man (my favorite video game at the time).  Being pregnant put some limitations on what costume I could wear.  Jim, on the other hand, got very into it.  We visited several arcades and looked at video games.  We were from the pinball era, and this new rage of video games was not such familiar ground for us.  We found a video game called Wizard of War.  Jim decided he wanted to go as this character.  He painted his face white, sprayed his hair grey (yes, he needed to die it at that time) and got a long black robe.  We copied the picture and did his make-up perfectly.  He won the costume contest that year!  It was a silver-plated champagne bucket engraved and filled with candy corn.

One year Jim and I went with our neighbors to a charity Halloween party.  The four of us dressed in black and white.  We literally had no part of our bodies that wasn't painted, clothed, sprayed or made up with anything other than black and white.  It was pretty cool looking seeing the four of us together and it was really fun to do, but the clean up after the party was not so much fun!  Our shower had black paint stains in it for weeks following the party!''

A great part of Halloween is that it is sort of the kick-off to the busy months that ensue....Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  I love those months and all the celebrations.  As a crafter, I am always busy with holiday crafts.  I went through a time when I would paint plaster figurines for various holidays.  Madeline's friends, Grace and Laura, would come over to play with her and would become intrigued watching me paint and cross stitch and all those other things I so love to do!  Madeline would get aggravated because she wanted to play with her friends....she saw me crafting all the time!  But Laura and Grace wanted to sit down and watch me and ask questions.  I find it interesting that they both are creative and crafty young women now.....(and so is Madeline!)
I loved going over to Madeline and Eric's town home the other day and I saw some of these painted figurines, as well as some cute witches that Martha bought for me at a craft show many years ago, decorating Madeline's home!  Everything looked so cute and perfect....and familiar.  I am so glad that my crafts and my holiday decorations are finding their way into Madeline's home.  I know how Mom feels when she comes to my house and sees her things incorporated into my decor.  It is so nice to pass things on from generation to generation.  I haven't decorated for Halloween in a few years, so I decided to give all of my stuff to Madeline.  Now I just decorate for Fall, so it is appropriate for October all the way through to Thanksgiving, which I host at my house.
In addition to making holiday crafts, I used to make holiday sweatshirts and tee shirts for the kids.  The boys finally got to a point when they said 'enough!'  I know that they had outgrown that, but I still enjoyed making things for Madeline to wear for various holidays.  I decorated a little sweatshirt for her one year with ghosts, paint and bows.  She was so cute in her Halloween sweatshirt and little tiny blue jeans!

Madeline and the neighborhood friends used to trick or treat in groups.  They usually came to our house for group pictures before they headed out.  One of my favorite group pictures was when Madeline, Jenna and Grace dressed like babies.  They had stuffed animals, pigtails, pajamas, and pacifiers!  I think they were middle-schoolers, so they really looked funny as babies!
Madeline dressed as a ballerina one Halloween.  That doesn't sound so original, but it was before she got so involved in dance and she ended up owning literally hundreds of dance costumes!  Her studio had a sale of used costumes one October and she chose a ballet costume to wear for Halloween.  I don't think that we realized in 1995 that our little Halloween ballerina would end up with a BFA in dance from the University of the Arts one day.

One year Madeline and her dance group attended a weekend convention that happened to fall on Halloween.  We had a little party for the girls in the hotel ballroom.  They dressed in pajamas or costumes for the party and then went trick or treating room to room in the hotel.  That was the year I painted mini pumpkins for each of the girls and personalized them with their names.

As a dance teacher, Madeline dresses up in costumes the week of Halloween while she teaches.  Usually she raids her dance costume closet to come up with an outfit.  I remember the year she took her elaborate costume from a dance she did called Mozart, and ended up turning into a Zombie 18th Century woman!  I am sure her students loved that.


I used to be part of a wonderful theater group called P.A.G.E.S.  Someone in our group always hosted a Halloween party.  Of course, it was a costume party and you can imagine what a bunch of theater people like to do with that!  One year Val hosted and the invitation was so cute....it said something like It's a Pajama Party, but Not a Sleepover!  We all wore our pajamas.  It was really fun!  I wore a long flannel nightgown, slippers and carried a teddy bear I borrowed from Madeline.
Another year I went as a nun.  It was a joke because everyone in the group was Catholic (we rehearsed and performed at a Catholic church) except me.  I thought going as a nun would be comical!
Another year I went as a crazy person with bug eyes, crazy wild hair and handcuffs.  Jim went as doctor from the psychiatric ward!  Our group had recently done a comedic play set in the psychiatric ward of a hospital.

Jim had some work friends who hosted a Halloween party.  I dressed as a "floozy" and Jim dressed as a nerd.  It was a fun costume to throw together and seeing my husband with elastic waist shorts pulled up high with a starched white shirt tucked in, a tie, knee socks and of course, with a pocket  protector filled with pens was priceless!  Jim was never involved with the theater group other than my biggest fan and a supporter of the group, but on Halloween you would think he should be on stage!

As a kid, the weeks leading up to October 31st would be filled with the question:  What are you going to be for Halloween?  Deciding a costume was the most important decision of the month!  I loved helping my own kids with their costumes.  Usually they had ideas and minds of their own, with the exception of when they were very little.  I remember making many costumes....a little devil for Jimmy, a witch for Madeline, a ghost and a skeleton for Jimmy, and a pirate for Joe.  As they got older Joe and Jimmy liked using make up and creating something scary for themselves!
 Madeline's first Halloween we dressed her like a little baby clown.  She was so adorable!  Her brothers dressed as scary monsters.  Jimmy was Dracula and Joe was like a skeleton.  When they held her between them for a picture, we called it Beauty and the Beasts!  The next Halloween left Madeline crying at picture time.  She was a beautiful princess complete with a tiara, Jimmy was a football player with a helmet and black make-up under his eyes and Joe was Skeletor...with some awesome make-up that I helped him do!  Her brothers looked so scary and they made the little princess cry!

When we lived in Shelby, I remember taking the kids over to Jessie and Bob's so they could see their costumes.  They would get such a kick out of this!  Then I would take them over to Martha and Bob's so that Martha could give them an extra special treat and take some pictures.  Martha particularly liked it the year we went over there and Madeline was dressed as a Wake Forest cheerleader!  Martha and Bob had bought her the outfit when they went to one of the WFU football games.

We always loved carving pumpkins each year.  I used to do them and sometimes I would also paint the pumpkins.  Then Jim took over the carving as the boys got a little bigger.  Then of course, the kids wanted to pick their own pumpkins and carve the faces themselves.  Jim was always a nervous wreck letting them do this....(and I am talking about Middle Schoolers and High Schoolers!)  One year Madeline and Eric had a carving contest themselves.  Eric carved his pumpkin to look like Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas and Madeline carved "Eric" on hers.  They were really great!
Our cats always enjoyed the Halloween pumpkins.  They would sniff around them and check them out.  You know the saying....Curiosity killed the cat!  We have always had some curious cats!

I can't believe how many Halloweens have come and gone.  Jim and I are truly empty-nesters.  I am still making my treat bags for the neighborhood kids, but I doubt we will carve a pumpkin this year.  I painted several pumpkins for the church to sell at the Pumpkin Patch.  That was a fun thing to do! I sent a Halloween care package to Porter at NYU, knowing that there is a bit of kid even in a college guy!
I guess Jim and I are at a bit of a lull right now, but hopefully one of these days, life will progress and we will be carving pumpkins, making crafts, and choosing costumes with our grand kids!  I look forward to that day, but in the meantime, I will relive the Halloweens past of my own childhood and those of my own children.
And memories are made of this.

Joseph pretending to eat the pumpkin!

Joseph and Jimmy

Big Brother making fun of little brother!

Wolf and Dinosaur

Madeline and Eric

Joe gutting a pumpkin

Curious Peabo

Curious Leo

Sandy from "Grease"

Jimmy and Madeline

At Aunt Martha's

Porter

Madeline went through a witch phase!

Thug (this is Madeline!)

Turning 50 Ain't So Bad

I have been thinking about age a lot lately.  Certain things just come up in conversation or pop up on TV or in books I am reading or in a sermon at church that make me think about age and timelines and milestones.
Just today my friend, Liz, posted 3 things she was grateful for on Facebook.  She challenged me to do the same.  It is a challenge that has been going around to make people think more on their blessings than their woes.  It is a wonderful exercise and I have been blessed by reading what my friends are grateful for.  Today Liz mentioned that she was grateful that she was able to 'go home again' and live in her hometown after 42 years in other places.  She reason she is grateful for this is so she could spend the last years of her parents' lives with them.  She mentioned that her Dad lived to age 92 and her mom to age 95.  That is such a blessing.  Soon after reading this, Mom called me.  I asked her about her friend and if he was feeling better (he has had a cold) and she said that yes, he was, but she reminded me that he is 94 and that it is sort of scary.  Then she laughed and said, "well, I'm 89.  No one in our family has lived nearly that long except Jessie (her sister).  She was 97."
Also today our associate pastor, John, came into my office and we chatted briefly.  Upon realizing I have 3 grown children, he asked about grandchildren.  I told him, no, but that I was 'wishing and hoping!'  He assured me that with three grown children, it would likely happen before I know it!  Another milestone to anticipate.
So in one day, I had several age-related comments that really got me thinking.

Jim talks a lot about aging.  I think it is because he is nearing that magic number of 62 when you begin to think about retiring, social security and all those good things.  Sometimes to hear him talk, however, he makes it sound as if 62 is OLD.
Although my body defies me sometimes with ailments and limitations, my mind and spirit are very young.  I just never have stopped to think about being old.  But I guess 58 is no spring chicken!
My 40th high school reunion is next month.  40th.  Thinking of it that way, it does seem like my friends and I are getting old!  But I always remember that my Dad was a real believer in 'you're as old as you feel!'  I don't think he ever felt old....although he only lived to be 66 and I was only 31 when he passed away.  At least I know that he lived his life feeling young at heart.

I actually was thinking about writing this blog about turning 50 last spring when Tim DuBois, our youth pastor at the time, turned 50.  Tim is like a boy....he is fit, active and inspiring.  Everyone made a big deal about his turning 50.  The Lighthouse was filled with signs about being Over the Hill and people would pop in and tease him.  Tim seems like one of those ageless people, and I guess knowing he had reached the big Five-Oh was reason for teasing.
Virginia, Tim's assistant and right-hand woman, thought about a birthday treat for Tim.  Tim loves Krispy Kreme donuts and as a rule, Virginia got them for breakfast on his birthday.  The closest Krispy Kreme closed, so Virginia had another wonderful idea.  We serve breakfast to High School and Middle School students before school on Fridays at the Lighthouse.  Virginia found a recipe for Birthday Cake Pancakes, so we got all the ingredients and mixed them together with instructions for our wonderful volunteer breakfast cooks.  The birthday cake pancakes were a hit and everyone, including Tim, loved them.
I got to thinking, turning 50 ain't so bad......birthday cake pancakes and lots of love, attention and good wishes!

I made me think of my own 50th birthday.  It was a wonderful birthday and it will always be remembered.  I was telling Rachel, my co-worker, a bit about it today, as a matter of fact.  Yes, this definitely was a day of mentioning ages and talking about milestones!
I play bridge with a group of amazing women.  I love them like sisters and I look forward to the times when we are all together.  They call me the baby of the group because everyone in the group is older than I am.  We normally don't make a big to-do about birthdays in this group, but on my 50th, these ladies all chipped in and bought me a lovely slide to wear on a chain.  It is a tri-colored flower slide...gold, silver and copper colored.  It is lovely and I think of them every time I wear it.  They said they just had to honor me now that I had FINALLY reached 50!  That was 8 years ago.  I'm still the baby, but I guess I'm 'catching up!'  2 of my 3 children are married.  We are officially empty-nesters.  We don't have grandchildren yet, but as Pastor John said, it's only a matter of time!  I guess I have more 'in common' with these ladies now than I did when I first joined them.  I had a first-grader and none of them had children at home....at least not nearly that young!  So, that beautiful gift sort of kicked off my 50th birthday experience!

My husband outdid himself for my 50th.  He really considered all things that I love and enjoy.  He is really thoughtful at all times, but this was amazing!
Several years ago he had bought me a diamond tennis bracelet.  I wore it every day and loved it so much.  One day I had been out running errands and shopping and driving kids to and fro.  Later that afternoon I realized my bracelet was gone!  I retraced my steps to no avail.  I then called CVS, Winn-Dixie, Jacobsen's department store and Suntrust bank and asked if my bracelet had been turned in.  It had not.  I gave them all my information and every day I jumped whenever the phone rang thinking it might be one of these stores saying someone found it and turned it in.  I never got the bracelet back, and I know that we shouldn't put too much value in 'things,' but I consider my things much more than simple things.  This bracelet represented a thoughtful and loving gesture from my husband.  I was really sick about losing it, and it was certainly out of character for me.  I am very organized and very careful about most everything I do.
But I digress.....
For my 50th birthday my husband really spoiled me.  He bought me a new diamond tennis bracelet even more beautiful than the one I had lost!  It had been several years since I lost the first bracelet.  He was very proud to give it to me and had really done his research and knew about the quality and clarity of the diamonds.  It touched me that he cared enough to learn about his purchase so that he could share it with me.  The other beautiful thing about this gift is that he had earned a nice bonus from work and it used that to buy this gift for me!  Needless to say, I definitely feel the love every time I put it on.....and I also check the clasp often as I wear it!
As if this generous gift  wasn't enough, Jim took me to New York for my birthday weekend.  I love to visit New York because I love theater and going to Broadway shows is definitely the ultimate entertainment for me.  It is magical.  I get so excited and so wrapped up in the experience that it stays with me long after the show is over.  We managed to squeeze 3 shows into that weekend, but the highlight was seeing "Three Days of Rain."  Ironically, it rained the whole  3 days we were in New York, so this was appropriate!  "Three Days of Rain" is the only Broadway show Julia Roberts has ever been in.  I love Julia Roberts.  I don't know how to explain it, but she is special to me and to see her in her first Broadway show was a dream come true.  And I saw her from the 8th row in the center.  And I saw her preform with only 2 other actors....Bradley Cooper and Paul Rudd.  Need I say more?  I loved the show.  The set looked and sounded like rain the entire time, and when we left the theater we were in the rain.  It was like we extended the show into the city.  Jim wasn't wild about the show, but he said he was happy as a clam watching me watch this magical moment on stage.  He knew I was in my glory and this was all that mattered.  And this took place on the very day of my 50th birthday....April 22, 2006.
The weekend ended with a wonderful dinner the following evening at The Beacon.  Jim had learned about this restaurant from a customer he had at a restaurant in Tarpon Springs.  There was some relationship between this customer and the chef of The Beacon.  Jim made the reservation before we left Florida, and he made it simply by recommendation of this customer.  He never mentioned anything about knowing the chef or a special occasion or anything when making the reservation.  As the most memorable dining experience we have ever had progressed, we began to believe that perhaps that had been tipped off!  It began by walking in and being seated at the best table in the place.  We sat down and ordered a drink, and soon after our drinks came, a platter of oysters, the restaurant specialty appetizer, arrived with a comment from the server "compliments of the chef."  I personally don't like oysters, but the gesture was touching and Jim was in his glory as he got to eat the whole platter!  After that, we placed our orders.  Everything was a la carte.  I ordered sea scallops and Jim ordered a New York strip and we both ordered salads.  The salads came and we enjoyed those, then our entrees came.....along with a family style serving of potatoes and another family style serving of asparagus.....with the same comment as before:  "compliments of the chef." We ate slowly, savoring every delicious morsel and getting so stuffed!  We wanted to be able to eat it all and so we took our time.  We realized that we were there for almost 3 hours!  When we left, the rained had stopped and we were happy to be able to walk back to Times Square, enjoy the sights and walk off some of the food.  But the food didn't end with the entrees and vegetables......after explaining to my husband that those were the best sea scallops I had EVER had and that everything was so beautifully presented and so delicious, here comes two servers with a gigantic platter filled with bite sized pastries and chocolates and chocolate covered strawberries.....above all these goodies around the rim of the platter was "Happy 50th Birthday, Mary" written in chocolate.
So, I can truthfully say, turning 50 ain't so bad!

I think about Madeline and Eric who have been married less than a year and Joseph and Ashley who are about to have their 2nd anniversary....they are all just embarking on this ride called marriage.  They have so many wonderful milestones to look forward to.  Jim and I enjoy sitting back and watching them and remembering our own married beginning 38 years ago.  People say times flies, and sometimes it feels like it does.  But often I look across at my gray haired handsome husband and I smile with contentment.  I do remember the days when I looked across at him and his hair was dark brown and he was more restless than he is these days.  It seems like a long time ago, and for that I am grateful.  I can fill in all those years with so many memories....raising 3 children, working, buying homes and fixing them up,birthday parties, sporting events, weddings and funerals, vacations, ups and downs and worries, spiritual growth, contentment, and anticipation.  As of lately, Jim and I agree that our favorite time is the late afternoon just before sunset when we sit out on the lanai, prop our feet up, look around at our pool and our yard.  I love the sound and the sight of the sprinklers slowly arching back and forth across the green grass.  Jim knows this and he turns on the sprinkler system and has it set in the back part of the yard that I look at as I anticipate the coming sunset.  It is so peaceful out there.  And we talk.  Really talk.  We sometimes have serious discussions and sometimes we reminisce.  Sometimes we talk about the things we plan to do "someday" and sometimes we discuss problems and situations that we know we have to face.  I just know I am blessed to have this gray-haired man by my side and I do believe we have a lot of life left to live together.  My Dad's favorite quote to my mom always was:  "come grow old along with me....the best is yet to be."  It is definitely the attitude to have.  It allows you to enjoy the moments rather than worry about them or stress that you are aging and that your knees hurt and you can't do yard work for as many hours in a row as you used to.  It gives you that sense of pleasant anticipation of more moments to enjoy.....perhaps better moments than you have experienced to date.
But thinking about life and times, milestones and memories, you never know how much or how little time you have on this earth.  Therefore, it is important to make every moment count.  They don't just have to be those big moments....like a trip to New York.....they can be the moments when you just sit and talk or sit next to someone special in silence.  Sometimes the best things can be realized in the silence.  It truly can be golden.  I think from now on I am going to revel in my birthdays.  I am going to realize that they are a big deal......And not just milestone birthdays like the 50th, but every birthday.

Whether you are remembering or anticipating moments or milestones.....remember that memories are made of this.

Then.....and now.

They grow up.

And the sun sets on another day.

My Life is in a Truck

Recently my cousin Ellen posted on her Facebook page:  "I could write a book entitled 'My Life is in a Truck'."  Ellen moved to Kentucky to live near her son and his family.  She had lived in NC her whole life!  It was a big move for her.  Ellen's comment struck home with me in more ways than one!  I cannot even count the number of times in the last few years that we have hired a truck, rented a truck or borrowed a truck to move things....small loads and very large loads.  We have shifted things from here to there and back so many times it is hard to keep up with what is where!

When Mom moved to Florida over 2 years ago, we hired a huge moving van.  We carefully calculated what she needed for her new apartment, what I wanted to keep to use in my house, what to store in my garage and what Madeline and my boys might want.  Porter and Bob took a few things that they wanted.  It left Mom's house in Shelby half (over half, actually) full.
The moving van arrived and unloaded the few things into my garage that belonged there and headed over to Stratford Court.  We filled up Mom's place and got it decorated pretty quickly.  Jim's brother, Tommy and his wife Linda, were in Florida. They are the world's best helpers.  I think they live to help people move, mend, fix and refurbish.  I have always thought that Jim and I were hard workers, but oftentimes Tommy and Linda make us look like lightweights!  In their true fashion, they helped us move furniture, organize, hang pictures, unpack boxes, haul off empties and just simply do what they could to make Mom's move go as smoothly as possible.  I have always said that Tommy and Linda go above and beyond, and I think this was one of those times.  With the help of those two, Jimmy, and Jim and myself, we got Mom's house organized and decorated and 'just like home' in a matter of 2 days.  I have often heard that 'it takes a village' and 'many hands make light work.'  In this case, it is true. I am so grateful that my Mom's dramatic life change happened with as little stress as possible.  I know she was pleased with her new surroundings.  She insisted on spending that very first night there alone!

On the other hand, my garage became a storage unit and my car has yet to fit back inside it!  I have almost forgotten what it was like to pull my car full of groceries into my garage and unload it without rain or without worrying about the cat running out or things like that.  But it is a small price to pay for the merging of two households.  I am grateful that Mom's move went as smoothly as it did and that she adapted to her new surroundings as easily as she did.  She is as comfortable at Stratford Court today as she was in her own home in Shelby.  I think she had just made up her mind that this was what she needed to do and that it was in everyone's best interest.  I am amazed how she never looked back!  I admire and appreciate her so much for this.

Jimmy had been living with us for about a year because he moved back to Clearwater from Melbourne and wasn't really sure what his next step would be.  With only 1 of 4 bedrooms occupied, we told him he could move in with us until he figured out his next step.  Kids do leave the nest, but they also come home again!  I haven't minded.  Rather, I have felt blessed and fortunate that I have had the space for my kids to come back to.  It also is a pleasant thought that they really don't MIND being back with their parents!  Anyway, after a time and after Mom was settled here, Jimmy got his own place.  This resulted in renting a big U-Haul and calling on the help of Tommy again!  We moved Jimmy into his condo and filled it with some of the furniture we brought back from Mom's.  We knew he was going to be moving out of our home soon, so we brought some things from her place in Shelby for that purpose.
Jimmy is still in that condo filled with things from Mom's house.  We have on occasion hauled other things over there that came out of our house that we no longer needed.....perhaps because we replaced them with things from Mom's house in Shelby!

Did I say that my garage housed 2 households?  I meant 3.  Just about 2 months after Mom moved down here, Madeline moved back from living for 5 years in Philadelphia.  Madeline was engaged and it seemed foolish for her to pay for her own place when we have a 4 bedroom home with only 1 bedroom occupied.  Jimmy had been gone for over a month, and we were  empty-nesters again!
Madeline's move required me to converse with the movers that moved Mom from Shelby to Florida.  They agreed they could move Madeline from Philadelphia to Florida.  So, Madeline got on the phone with them and discussed what she had that needed to be moved.  She didn't have time to get rid of anything or make any decisions about her things. I remember it being a crazy time because the movers were late and Madeline had a plane to catch to come back to Florida!  She had to enlist one of her friends to come and oversee the rest of the move so she could make it to the airport.  Fortunately, everything worked out but once again, life was on a truck!  Everything she owned and had accumulated in 5 years was on that truck!
The truck arrived, unloaded all her belongings in our garage, and voila.....3 different homes had representation in our garage!  The very next day, my roommate from college and her 3 kids came for a visit.  It was awesome!  I hadn't seen her in many years.  Life was hectic, though, and Madeline truly felt the upheaval.  She was home less than 48 hours with house guests, engaged to be married and trying to figure out her employment and being back home with Mom and Dad again, and then she left for Jamaica to go on a mission trip with our church!  She never really unpacked.  Over the next couple of weeks, she brought in and unpacked what she needed, and the rest of the stuff stayed in the garage.  Some of it is still out there!

Everyone settled in for awhile and eventually Jim and I had to go back to Shelby to deal with the rest of the stuff in Mom's home.  I had been once before that to visit my friends.  Sally and Carol went with me to Mom's and helped me inventory all that was left.  We had thought we might arrange a tag sale to do what we needed to with the rest of it all.  Well, arranging this tag sale long distance just seemed overwhelming, so that is when Jim and I decided that we needed to go back.  We ended up working ourselves like crazy!  We decided that we needed to move back to Florida certain things and the rest we needed to get rid of.  Our goal was to empty the house.  So in just a couple of days, we did just that!  We spent one day assessing the situation, taking care of home repairs and tagging what would go and what would stay.  Although there were several items we didn't really need nor were we sure anyone else would need, we just couldn't leave them.  We arranged for the moving company to come and they agree to move every single item that was left in the house.  They didn't want any surprises, so we assured them if it was left in the house, it was intended to be moved.  We knew we wouldn't be around, so we had to make sure we covered all the bases.
We worked until we couldn't move.  We literally crawled into our hotel room at night!  We cleaned the sheds, the closets, the attic, the garage, the lawn....you name it!  We called The Hospice Thrift Store to come get what we decided to donate.  The charity was fairly new and it was dear to my heart.  Not only do I believe in the power of the Hospice organization, my good friend, Patti McMurry, has worked for Hospice for years.  I knew that the new thrift store was important to her so I chose it as our choice to donate.  The volunteers who came with truck after truck were so appreciative and thankful, it did my heart good.  I called Mom that night and told her that her things had made a lot of people happy!  We spent all day pointing out this and that and the people from Hospice took whatever we told them to take.
After they left, Jim and I set out to pack up what was left that didn't need professional packing.  We cleaned the house and knew that there wouldn't be so much as a bar of soap left  when the movers came and we flew back to Florida the next day!

So, the movers arrived.  We had to rent a storage unit.  It was filled absolutely to the brim, and many other items got put in our garage....things we decided we might want after all.  It was almost as much as the first time we had a moving truck come from Shelby!  We now had a garage that not only was void of a car, but there was barely a walkway to get from the door out to the driveway!  And this is not to mention that the storage unit was full.

There came a time when we realized that Jimmy could use a few more things from our garage, like a desk and a twin bed from Madeline's Philadelphia collection.  Madeline was happy to give him these things.  We realized how many of our family's things had been moved from place to place to place.  We believe in keeping it 'all in the family!'   So, we rented a truck and moved a bed, desk, mattress set, tv and a few more things of Madeline's to Jimmy's place.

Well, now we had a wedding to plan.  So the mess just stayed and stayed.  Finally, about 2 months before their wedding, Madeline and Eric rented a townhome.  They didn't live in it, but they decided to fix it up so it would be ready for the new Mr. and Mrs. Eric Barnes.  This resulted in renting a U-Haul and moving a bunch of stuff from our garage.  They began setting up their new place.  They also went out and bought a sofa and a few things they needed that neither of them had.  That resulted in borrowing a truck from a friend.

After Mom's 2nd load came from Shelby, Madeline and Eric had decided on a few more things from her house because now that they had their own place and could visualize what would fit and what they wanted. We rented a U-Haul again......went to the storage unit to get a few things and back to our garage for some more things.
As soon as they got Mom's antique oak table in their house, they realized they had the tabletop, the legs, but not the pedestal base.  This resulted on yet another trip to the storage unit and back to their townhouse!

Other truck rentals/borrows came from Madeline and Eric moving more things from his parents' garage, our garage and the storage unit.  We also assessed the storage unit to see what in there might need to go into our garage for our upcoming yard sale.
After our yard sale, we took three cars loaded to the brim with leftover stuff and went straight to Goodwill to donate it.

Just this weekend, a lot of Mom's stuff was sold at an auction.  It was hard for me to let go, but I realized after all these moves, my house full, Madeline's house full, the boys have what they need, Bob and Porter got some lovely art items that they wanted to remember Mom by...well, there just isn't a need or a way to hang onto everything.  I felt like my life and my heritage just went by the wayside.  Madeline kept reminding me that we all have something of Mom's as remembrance, Mom has all her favorite things in her apartment, not to mention that our garage (and now Madeline's old empty bedroom) is full and that we don't have need or space for anything else.  I tend to hang on to the past, memories and heritage.....but my wiser than-her-years daughter tells me to view it as someone else giving life to these things and that they are making them happy.   I know she is right.  I said to Mom and my husband just today:  "The most important things in life aren't things."
Can I hear an amen for that?!
But I do know what Ellen means....My Life Is In a Truck.  I have felt like that for almost three years now. And even though there probably won't be more trucks, I still have piles of stuff to sort through, decide upon...I have a garage to clean out and an extra room to turn into a nice room and not a storage room.  I go back to what sparked me to begin my blog....Sally heard my frustration 3 years ago.  She told me to take pictures of Mom's things.  Write a blog about them.  And then do with them what I need to do with them.  And move on.  After all, we can't cling on to everyTHING.
But memories are made FROM these things.

Gail Ann...College Roomie!

Sometimes You Just Need Chicken Pie

My friend, Sally, is a good cook.  She cooks like I do.....often by the seat of her pants!  Actually what cooks like us often do is assess the contents of the refrigerator and the pantry to see what kind of meal we can concoct with the items on hand.....some that need to be used before they go bad or some that are just usual staples in the house.  In my case, it is often that I feel too lazy to run out to the store and buy this ingredient or that ingredient.  If you don't cook with a recipe other than what's in your head, you won't know that you are missing any ingredients!  This method works for me most nights.

Last night was one of these nights.  I have had a rough couple of weeks.  I have been busy, overwhelmed, and worst of all.....sick.  Last night was the first night I felt like I might want to get out of my easy chair and cook.  I had thawed out some chicken that morning not knowing what would become of it, and I had put some green beans on to cook.  You know, what my family calls the Southern style of green beans (as opposed to crunchy green beans).  These are the green beans you season and cook slowly all day long.  You continually have to add water, or otherwise the green beans soak up the water and stick to the bottom of the pan.  Anyone who has ever done this before can attest to the fact that it is not only a really horrible smell that lingers for a long time, but it often ruins your pan.....or you have to soak the pan for 3 days and then scrub the bottom until your fingers feel like they are going to fall off.  So, in order to cook Southern style green beans, you have to have time and you have to know you are going to be home most of the day.  Since I wasn't feeling well and I knew I wouldn't be going out, this seemed like a perfect day for some Southern green beans.
I looked at that thawed chicken and I remembered I had some of those wonderful Pillsbury roll out pie crusts in the refrigerator, so I set about making chicken pie.  Nothing could be much better than chicken pie and Southern green beans!  Comfort food.

As I was cooking this meal, I had to smile as I thought about Sally and how similar we are in certain ways.  Cooking and food being one of them.  I was visiting Shelby one time and it was a warm spring evening.  Sally and I were sitting in her kitchen talking.  She had made a chicken pie earlier.  It was cooling on top of the stove.  She looked at me as we conversed, and out of the blue asked if I wanted to eat some chicken pie.  Well, who could resist an offer like that?  We decided it would best be enjoyed on her front porch in the rocking chairs.  It was dusk and it was quiet and peaceful on that front porch.  We rocked.  We ate.  I told Sally how delicious the chicken pie was and we continued to rock, eat, talk a little here and there.  After a pause, Sally just said to me, "you know, sometimes you just need chicken pie."  I didn't laugh or comment, just nodded and said "uh-huh," in agreement.  It didn't need discussion.  I knew exactly what she meant by that comment.
Now, whenever I make chicken pie, or even THINK about making it, I think to myself, sometimes you just NEED chicken pie.

There is so much more in that comment that the actual eating of chicken pie.  Sometimes certain things, people, music, places, etc. are just something that you need.  You don't always know why you need it, but you know when that feeling comes over you, you will find a lot of peace and comfort in giving in to the need.

When I am home alone, sometimes I just need to open the sliding door and turn off all noise.  I love the sound of silence that is only penetrated by the chirping of a bird outside.  Silence in that moment is needed and appreciated.  It is hard to find moments of quiet.  I never needed them so much as I do lately.  I even find myself driving down the road and realizing the radio is off.  That used to be unheard of!  I am a music lover, and more often than not, my radio is on.  But sometimes you just need quiet.

Sometimes I just need to be outside.  I don't necessarily need to be doing anything, but I just want to be outside.  I spend a lot of time on my lanai.  I realized one evening it had been dark for quite some time as I sat out there alone.  I was reading on my iPad while Jim was inside watching TV.  The iPad has a back light, so I was able to read without any problems.  It was almost shocking when I looked up and realized how really dark it was.  Sometimes you just need fresh air.

Sometimes I really need to be with my daughter.  One on one.  I don't always have a reason or a plan but I know I just need that.  Our bond is unmistakable and it is very enjoyable.  I often say I need to have a Madeline fix.  There is some sort of special joy I find in those moments when we are together.  It's not only a mother/daughter thing, I think it's that we really like and enjoy one another.  We are never at a loss for things to talk about.....superficially or with a lot of thought-provoking.  We also can make our own fun.  If there is no plan, no where to go, we are happy to sit and chill and talk or play cards.  Life is easy with Madeline.  She and I are both complex people, yet our relationship seems so easy.  Sometimes you just need Madeline time.

Sometimes I need to pet my cat.  I mean really pet him.  I love it when he jumps up on the arm of my chair. I always know that means he WANTS to be petted.  He will sit there and I rub him and watch the fur fly around the room.  I always have to vacuum my dark carpet after these petting times.  But just the sheer pleasure both Leo and I seem to attain from these petting moments are priceless.  Sometimes you just need a cat in your lap.

Sometimes I just need to go to the beach.  I feel fortunate that I can jump in my car and be at one of several beautiful beaches in just a few minutes.  My favorite beach of late is Honeymoon Island.  It is so lovely.  It is a state park and is totally unspoiled.  The whole island is natural with no man-made anything in sight....with the exception of 2 snack bar/bathhouses and a couple of paved parking lots.  I love to go to the very end of Honeymoon Island.  Although it is rocky and not as much of a wide, pretty white sand beach as Clearwater Beach, it is breathtakingly beautiful.  You are in the Gulf of Mexico and you can see across to Clearwater Beach and all of the sights are just a reminder of God's splendor.  I see at least one dolphin every time I go. I love to watch all the water birds.  Of course, the sound of gulls just speaks 'beach.'  My favorites are the tiny little sandpipers.  I love to watch them at work and at play.  There are usually paddleboarders, sailboats and fishing boats going by in the water.  This has a great entertainment value for me.  I love to walk the unspoiled, rocky beach and search for shells.  That is one of my favorite past times.  I do this for hours until my neck is stiff and sore from looking down.  The pain is worth it because I always come home with lots of treasures.  My seashell collection is pretty unbelievable...but that is another whole blog!  I love going to Honeymoon Island because it is quiet and calm and not crowded.  Sometimes you just need nothing more than the peace you find in the sound of the surf.

Sometimes I just need to float in my pool.  I use my pool for exercise and my reward after my workout is some floating time, as I like to call it.  I get my pink float and stretch out and just go around the pool wherever the breeze might take me.  I was telling Jim the other night that it has become my daily prayer time.  I thought he might think I was crazy, but he actually seemed to understand.  It is calm, quiet and peaceful on my float.  I shut my eyes and I always start my prayers with the thankfulness of the moment and that I am able to enjoy it living in such a lovely area.  I never take that for granted.  From there, I just go into whatever things I need to turn over to God that day.  It really is quite therapeutic.  I don't think God minds that I am floating around in my pool for my quiet time of reflection, prayer and meditation.  Sometimes the only stress reliever you need for the day is to float.

Sometimes I just need to paint or to work on a craft.  My head is always spinning with ideas.  I know I could never live long enough to produce all the things that are floating around up there in my noggin!  There comes a time when I have to push the rest of my life's responsibilities to the side for a brief time and just embrace myself in some sort of artistic and creative project.  There is nothing that feels better to me than to be creating something.  I find it relaxing and rewarding.  The worst part of it is that time flies.  I often look at the clock in amazement while I am doing some of my arts and crafts.  I simply get lost in the moments and the time doesn't really matter.  Sometimes you just need creative moments.

Sometimes I need to doing something out of the routine with my husband.  As most people who have been married for 38 years, life can become 'comfortable.'  We love our daily moments on the lanai right before dinner time.  I don't think I will ever tire of that.  I need that time with Jim.  Sometimes we talk incessantly and sometimes we just sit and enjoy the sounds of nature together.  Jim mentioned last night that it was obviously summer.  We heard the cicadas and we were remembering how loud they can get in the evening.  Sometimes we sit out there and act like orchestra conductors as we mimic the sounds they make...the crescendos often sound just like an orchestra.  In addition to our routine nightly musings outside, sometimes we just need to break out of the mold.  On occasion we skip church on Sunday morning and go early to Honeymoon Island or Fred Howard Park.  Jim likes to fish and I sit in a beach chair and read.  We are each doing our own thing which is totally different, yet we are together.  I look up and watch him in the water fishing and I know he is in his 'happy place.'  He catches a fish and turns around to get my attention to show me.  Last time we went I had a big heron just standing by my chair.  I got up to get my phone so that I could take a picture and the guy just decided to jump up in my chair.  I just stood behind the chair and watched him for a while.  I couldn't wait for Jim to turn around and see it, which he did.  Sometimes you just need moments together but doing your own thing in your marriage.

Sometimes I need to plan a family gathering.  I need the hustle bustle of planning, grocery shopping, getting ready and all the noise as we all get together and talk at one time and laugh a lot.  Often my needs are quiet times, but those excited and noisy times are needed equally.  One of my favorite of these times is Thanksgiving.  The Yeltons come from Shelby and I have all my family over and sometimes other guests and it is a wonderful day.  I love everything from getting up and walking the Turkey Trot to watching the Macy's parade, cooking half the day, setting the table, asking the blessing, eating too much, telling stories and washing a mound of dishes!  It is a time of Thanksgiving, the happy noise of family together in celebration.  Sometimes you just need a little bit of chaos in your life!

I think often our urges and needs are not so much explainable.  That is why I 'got it' when Sally said what she did about the chicken pie.  I don't think we were necessarily hungry.  The need wasn't to satisfy that.  It was to satisfy something much deeper in our souls.  I think we were subconsciously realizing the comfort of home, lazy times, friendship, and shared memories and likes/dislikes.  I feel that sharing a chicken pie, rocking in our chairs and having some unspoken 'conversations,' was a much needed moment of relaxation and a testament to friendship and to home and family.  Sometimes you just need chicken pie.

Although chicken pie can't satisfy all of our needs, it might be a good place to start.
And memories are made of this.

Sometimes you just need chicken pie.

You Can't Go Home Again

After a whirlwind weekend in Shelby for Porter's Baccalaureate and Graduation from Gaston Day School, I realized that there is truth in Thomas Wolfe's words that you can't go home again.  I guess those words were so fresh in my mind because the keynote speaker at the graduation was Wiley Cash.  Wiley is a Gaston Day alumnus and he is now a critically acclaimed author.  Like me, he loves books and reading and he made reference to these words of Thomas Wolfe in his speech.  Wiley mentioned that leaving for college and coming back to visit home and your school is like coming home again.  I agree with his point, but I think the passage of time definitely changes things.

We passed Shelby High School and all things familiar on our way out of town to head to the airport to return home to Florida.  I said out loud without realizing it "you can't go home again."  Jim asked me what I said and I then realized I had spoken aloud.  I had a weird feeling driving out of town.  And that feeling was that I HAD NO feeling.  I think it was the first time I left Shelby with that notion.  It was weird and a bit sad.  Normally when I leave, I have this sense of nostalgia and a bit of a sense of loss.  I always feel a bit of yearning for my hometown, but not this time.

This is not to say that my memories and my love for Shelby won't always remain.  It just made me realize that when I say HOME, it is not Shelby.  It is Clearwater, FL.  Home is definitely where your heart is.  My children and their spouses are in Florida.  My Mom lives 2 miles from me now.  I have more friends than ever before and am very involved in life in Clearwater.  Then it hit me.  I have lived here 20 years.  I have actually lived in Clearwater longer than I have lived anywhere.  I basically left Shelby at 18 to go off to college.  From there, Jim and I got married and lived in Raleigh for 10 years.  We did move back to Shelby, but we only stayed about 6 years.  Living there as a married woman with children was a totally different experience than living there from birth to age 20.  From there, we came to Clearwater.  20 years is certainly a long enough time to make a life.  When I say I am going HOME, I am going to Clearwater.  My hometown, however, is Shelby, NC.  I have written much in the past about growing up in Shelby.  My memories are fonder than anyone could imagine.  I had a blessed and happy life all the years I lived there.

One of the things that always made Shelby so special was you knew when you went to a restaurant, the grocery store, or uptown shopping, you needed to add a little extra time to your plan because you would be sure to run into to someone you knew who just wants to 'catch up on things.'  This also meant, you couldn't get away with running out to do something 'real quick' and expect not to be seen....and certainly not to be quick!
I guess one of my first ah-ha moments of not being able to go home again was when Jim and I went into Pleasant City Grill after Porter's graduation.  It was just the two of us at that time and we sat and enjoyed our food and as I looked around, I saw not one familiar face.  We had a birds eye view of the front door, and I didn't see anyone I thought I recognized coming or going.  We sat there for a pretty long time and this never changed.  Considering Pleasant City Grill is one of the most popular spots in town, this seemed especially odd.  This is when I realized it might be my hometown, but not my home town.

As we had brunch at Ken and Mary's with two ladies that I have known for years, the comfort of being with long time friends had not changed.  Eating at a restaurant that I didn't know existed and again, not seeing anyone I knew with the exception of the 2 faces across the table from me made me feel like an outsider.  I also realized as they were talking about this person or that house or whatever, some of it was totally like Greek to me and some of it seemed more like a glimmer of recollection in the fog.  I couldn't put people together with their homes, jobs, etc.  I have been too far removed.

Riding past what was Porter Brothers always used to spark something in me.  However, this time it really didn't.  It no longer said Porter Brothers proudly across the front of the brick building.  It was a name of something I didn't know anything about.  And next door to it was a sign that said For Lease....on Shelby Fish Camp!  That was a restaurant that has been in existence since the beginning of time, it seems!  When Jim worked in Shelby for a while, they were one of his biggest customers.
Everything changes and nothing stays the same.

Riding through town the trees seemed denser, the buildings smaller.  The hills weren't as steep and the curves not as curvy.  (I will admit, however, that Tickle Bee Hill still gives me a thrill to this day!)  The Courthouse is now the Earl Scruggs Center, which is awesome, but it's not THE Courthouse.  The drive to Riverbend seemed shorter yet the drive to Gastonia seemed an eternity.   The tea seemed sweeter and the livermush not the same tasty delicacy as I recalled.  I no longer had anyone to visit at Sterling House and I don't know the pastor at Central United Methodist Church any more.

Going in to Mom's house and seeing it completely empty was a reminder that a house is not a home.  The people in the house make it a home.  I didn't even feel sad seeing the empty house.  Mom is in Clearwater now and the table where we used to sit for hours and drink coffee is now a game table in Madeline and Eric's townhouse.  It still gets used for joyous purposes, just not in the same place.  Sitting around that table with Madeline and Eric and my new little grand kitty, Leia, now makes me feel a sense of home.

This was the first trip I have made back to Shelby since my cousin, Ellen, moved away.  I will be anxious to hear how she feels over time about going home again.  She has lived in Shelby most of her life.  This move to Kentucky was a major change for her.
It is the first time I visited when I didn't get to spend time with Sally or Carol or Kathy.  It was the first time we didn't make the rounds of our favorite eateries like Tast-T-Tee Burgers or Shelby Cafe. We used to say when we visited that we would just eat our way through town.
Of course, Bob and Porter are still in Shelby, but even this felt different.  We were so busy with graduation affairs, we drove to Gastonia both days and attended Baccalaureate and then Graduation with fun parties following each event.  We didn't go anywhere with Bob and Porter IN Shelby.   I guess the whole vibe of the trip just felt different.

I was reading about Thomas Wolfe and how he came to entitle his book You Can't Go Home Again. Wolfe was having a conversation with Ella Winter, a writer, and one of her comments to him was "Don't you know you can't go home again."  Wolfe then asked her for permission to use the phrase as the title of his book.  I suppose she had possibly experienced some of the same feelings I had on my latest trip 'home.'  Wolfe writes in You Can't Go Home Again:  "I have to see a thing a thousand times before I see it once."  I had seen all these things in Shelby a thousand times, but perhaps I was just now seeing them for that once.                

Shelby will be forever in my heart, forever in my mind.
And memories are made of this.              

Old Friends, Barbara and Gloria
(brunch at Ken and Mary's)

Porter with his Aunt Mary at GDS Baccalaureate

Cleveland County Courthouse
(now the Earl Scruggs Center)