Memories Are Made of This: The Table is Set

I wonder how many times I have set the table in my lifetime. I love to cook. I love to entertain. Parties make my heart sing. I love to have company. I love to decorate and make things look nice. I like to create. I love holidays. I love table talk. I love to make people feel 'at home' in my home. The table can set a tone for all of these things.

When I was a little girl I never minded being asked to set the table. I learned at an early age that the fork went on the left, the knife and spoon on the right with the knife blade turned towards the plate and the spoon on the outside. I learned how to fold a napkin in half and neatly place it under the fork. I learned to put the glass above the knife and spoon. Yes, setting a table has always come easily to me.
I even remember the silverware we used when I set the table as a young girl. In fact, Mom was still using that very silverware up until she moved to Florida a few months ago. Just before she moved she gave a lot of the silverware to Joseph. Being a man of simple needs, he viewed it as a nice gift of necessity and functionality. I am sure his girlfriend, Ashley, appreciated having a nice set of flatware that matched and would make a lovely table setting. I imagine one day she will feel as I do about setting a table.

I also remember the dishes we used when I was a little girl. We had a set of plastic dishes that we usually used. They were very sturdy and functional, but most importantly they were unbreakable. However, we also had a set of dishes that Daddy bought in California for Mom. They are very heavy off-white dishes with scalloped edges and a green ivy pattern on them. I think they are just retro enough to be fashionable again. I hope so since I use these dishes very often! Yes. They are in my kitchen cabinet and have been for over 20 years. I love these dishes and always have. I have never been one to worry about whether or not they are in vogue. I love what I love and that is all that matters. I guess my sentimentality creeps in so often that I have to feel that way! I have come to realize that more and more as time goes by. I also realize how much our family 'shares' things. We pass things around. I think it is wonderful that different people in the family get to enjoy these things. It is such a wonderful way to carry on family traditions and history.
Mom always says she doesn't remember anything and never has! I am not so sure about that, but I must say I have an excellent memory. I think it is partly because I do like to use the things that have been passed down through the generations. It makes me ask questions and it makes me remember.

I always view setting the table as a prelude to something special. We set the table before our daily meals. The meal can be simple and unimpressive, but nevertheless, our daily meals serve as nourishment for our bodies and often a time of togetherness and conversation. I will admit, reluctantly, that my table setting for Jim and myself these days consists of setting out a fork, knife, plate and napkin on the counter. We are guilty of filling our plates and going to our chairs in the family room and 'dining' as we watch "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy." I swore this would never happen. When we were raising our 3 children we sat at the table for all of our meals, regardless of the menu or the occasion. We ate together and had conversation. I guess 'easy chair dining' is a bonus for reaching empty-nest status.
We set the table for birthday dinners, Thanksgiving, Christmas and other family gatherings. We set the table when we have friends over to eat. We set the table when we are having a romantic meal for two on Valentine's Day or an Anniversary....or just because. We set the table for bridge luncheons and neighborhood potluck dinners. Magic, laughter, nostalgia, and interesting stories can arise from sitting around a table.

I think my friends and family know my interests and love for cooking and entertaining. I have received so many wonderful gifts. Each time I pull out the ceramic pitcher with cats on it, I immediately think of my dear friend Anita. She has given me some fantastic artistic items through the years....many with cats on them. Good friends know what you like. The lovely glass wine stopper reminds me of Dee. The coasters with flowers on them remind me of my friend, Susan and her students with whom I used to volunteer. The cat mug that I drink my coffee in each morning reminds me of my friend, Pat and my other favorite coffee mug with my name on it reminds me of my friend, Marilyn.
Martha always gave me housewares.....particularly kitchen items. I think of her so very often when I am cooking. I think cooking is not only a hobby for me, but it is a time of reflection because it's just me in the kitchen doing what I love and enjoying the peaceful time. Sometimes I just pull out a bowl or platter that Martha gave me one Christmas that makes me think of her. Sometimes I find myself chuckling as I recall how desperately she hated sharp knives and I would laugh at the way she chopped things. I'll bet the set of sharp paring knives I gave her one Christmas is still in the package in her kitchen! She could not understand why I boiled my chicken before putting it in a casserole or how I could possibly eat smoked turkey.
I guess I'll know that I will always have the memory of Martha whenever I am in the kitchen. So many of the 'set table' occasions included her. We spent our lives together for holidays, birthday dinners, Christenings, parties, bridge, church socials and most any other reason to set a table. I surely do miss her.

We set the table according to the occasion, the season, the menu, and the guests. Sometimes paper plates and plastic forks are quite appropriate. What better way to enjoy baked beans, deviled eggs, and a burger on the grill? I remember painting some styrofoam cups for Mom to give her friends. They said 'Weekend Waterford'. I will take credit for creating them but not for the idea. Mom and Martha saw these in a store in Atlanta. Weekend Waterford is quite appropriate for a summer cookout on the lanai!
Christmas dinner is the time when I drag out my Christmas china. This is a lot of trouble, but it has always been worth it to me. Christmas is my favorite time of year and I have always been really into decorating, cooking and of course, setting an appropriate Christmas table!
We all have 'everyday dishes.' I happen to have several sets. I have the ivy dishes that I grew up with. They are the good everyday dishes. When we eat in front of the TV, we have nice light weight plastic dishes that settle well in our laps!
Fine china is always a treat. I love pulling out my Lenox Castle Garden. It is the bone china I chose for my wedding registry. Whenever I use it I feel so many memories. I loved it when I chose it 36 years ago and I love it just as much, if not more, today. Using this china tells me it is a very special occasion! I love using it. I enjoy setting the table with my finery.
Thanksgiving dinner has to be one my all time favorite tables to set. I love the fall decor and colors. I always use candles and leaves and all sorts of fall-ish decorations. Sometimes I use my fine china and sometimes I use the ivy dishes....they sort of match the whole fall decor! Thanksgiving dinner is a time to reflect on our many blessings. It is also a time of family fellowship. The Yeltons have been coming to Florida for several years and it has become one of our favorite traditions. One year when they were here, my cousin Patty and her husband and 5 children came for Thanksgiving dinner as well. It was truly a wonderful day of fellowship.
In addition to loving the cooking and decorating, I am also a bit of a dork! I love to play games and I love to involve my guests. I usually create some sort of game to play during Thanksgiving dinner. My family has learned to tolerate it and after they roll their eyes at my 'dorkiness,' I think they will all admit that they love it.
Just ask Porter.

I also love to organize things. The other day I was organizing a set of silver. It is Mom's silver. The good stuff. I helped her pack to move to Florida and I honestly thought she might use her International Silver, Morning Glory pattern. When we got here, she said she had no use for it. She told me to take it to my house for Madeline or whomever. I organized it in the silver chest she had. Of course, she had the pieces in baggies just thrown in the chest. That didn't suit me! I like to organize and I like to sit back and admire the organization (I said I had a bit of dorkiness in me). I think it has to do with my artistic eye and the fact that I have so many hobbies and things I like to make and do that I MUST stay organized!
Anyway, after I organized Mom's silver, I got to thinking about setting the table and what it all means. It isn't about the type of silverware or dishes you have. It's all about the heart behind it.

Whenever I have Mom over to eat, I use her china and silver. I not only think it is lovely, I want Mom to see the pleasure that her things are bringing to me and my family. I also hope it brings a bit of nostalgia and a sense of home to her.

My Aunt Jessie was such a strong and positive influence in my life. She was a wonderful influence in so many people's lives. When she moved out of her home and into The Sterling House, she earmarked her silver for Madeline. Jessie and I share the organizational gene. She had her silver chest in perfect order. She also hand wrote a note that this silver was for Madeline Fitzpatrick. She signed and dated it. I know I will keep that note with the silver for always. I love having the memories. Seeing Jessie's impeccable handwriting always sends a shiver down my spine. Her writing, both the penmanship and the lovely words, is such a memory-jogger for me. Her legacy will live on. I have saved all the things she has written to me through the years.

Also in my home I have the silver I use. When my Aunt Madeline passed away her husband, Fred, came to me and told me that Madeline said she wanted me to have her silver. I was a little taken aback. I was very sad at her passing and receiving this silver was not what I felt like dealing with at the moment. I tried to refuse it, but I saw that I was frustrating Fred, so I humbly took it. For years it sat in a drawer at my house. I couldn't use it. It made me sad. It made me miss her. It made me wonder why she wanted me to have it. I finally came to realize that I understand the importance of passing along these family treasures. It is our heritage and it is our memories. It was not for me to question. I use the silver now and cherish the feelings it evokes in me. My Aunt Madeline was truly a saint and I loved her so much. My Dad thought the world of her. She was the peacekeeper and calming presence in the family. I was going to name Joseph Madeline. Oops. Can't name a boy Madeline. I was going to name Jimmy Madeline. Oops again! Then finally our little angel, Madeline, came to us. She has proven in every aspect of her being to live up to her namesake.

There is a story that has circled through our emails from time to time about an elderly woman who was terminally ill. To make a long story short, she told her minister that she wanted to be buried with a fork in her right hand. The minister was baffled by her request but she explained it to him. She said that growing up she was always told to keep her fork. That usually meant dessert was coming. So she told the pastor, "remember to keep your fork...the best is yet to come."
I never forgot this story because I thought it was such a simplistic way to view our Glorious Reunion (as my Aunt Madeline always said) in heaven. I also always remembered it because my Dad's favorite line to my Mom was "the best is yet to come." I guess this terminally ill woman, my Aunt Madeline, and my daddy knew what they were talking about. I imagine they are all enjoying their 'glorious reunion.' So the next time you reach down for your fork, whether it be sterling silver, silver plated, or plastic, let it remind you oh so gently that the best is, indeed, yet to come.

Picnics, holiday dinners, birthday celebrations, tomato sandwich lunches, bridge brunches, TV dinners and cookouts are all reasons to set the table. And memories are made of this.