The Good Stuff

I have had a busy couple of weeks with company, events and celebrations.  While putting away some silver serving pieces, crystal bowls, china and sterling flatware, I started thinking about these things that we always refer to as "the good stuff." 
I love my good stuff.  I love it for many reasons.  I love it because it is beautiful and it feels good to use it.  I love it because it makes a lovely table setting.  I love it because it is not something I use every day, therefore it always feels 'special' when I pull it out.  But I mainly love it because each thing I use tells a story.  I don't pull this stuff out of a cabinet, a hutch, a drawer or out from under my bed (yes, I have a set of silver under my bed!) without thinking of who gave it to me, when I acquired it, what it means and what it represents.
So, my good stuff is not only truly good stuff, it is a source for entertainment and reminiscing for me.

Madeline had two friends visit week before last.  They are really good friends of hers.  She went to college with them, danced with them, shared an apartment with them and now they are designated bridesmaids for her wedding to Eric in March, 2014. 
These girls did not come to Florida and expect to be entertained or fed.  They are all good at fending for themselves.  It was a pleasure seeing them together, as being together was what really mattered.  The outings and dining and sightseeing were merely bonuses.  There is nothing better than seeing three 20-some-year-olds laughing and talking and just living in the moment.....happy to be reunited.
Obviously, I did not need to pull out the good stuff for these girls!  Paper plates were fine for them.  Or better yet, just eating the chips right out of the bag and the salsa right out of the container seemed to suffice.  No need to stand on ceremony!
I did decide to have a cookout one night.  That is our Florida tradition whenever we have guests come visit from out of state.  Of course, we ended up cooking in because it was so cold and not much of a cookout night.  So, instead of paper plates, I set the table with what I consider our 'everyday dishes' and Jim calls our 7 pound plates!  He is so funny about what dishes and glasses he uses.  We have taken to eating dinner in front of the TV like old married empty-nesters often do, so Jim likes to use the lightweight plastic plates we have just for ourselves.  They are far from the good stuff, and they are not even acceptable for guests in any way!  Sometimes these lightweight plastic dishes are dirty so I pull out what I call our everyday dishes.  These are the ones Jim calls the 7 pound plates.  Since he has to sit in his easy chair and balance his plate on his lap while he watches Brian Williams narrate "The World News Tonight",  he wants to use the plastic dishes.  It is more comfortable for him.
I have blogged briefly about these 7 pound dishes before.  (By the way, they are really heavy.....)   Dad bought them from Mom while they were traveling in California many moons ago.  I always loved them, and when Mom and Dad moved into their house on Lynhurst Lane she gave them to me.  They no longer matched her kitchen and she knew she would never use them.  They do match my kitchen and I use them all the time.....that is, when we aren't eating from our family room easy chairs!
These dishes are a handpainted pattern called Vineyard.  They are made by VernonWare by Metlox.  I researched a little to learn more about this pattern.  I learned that Vernonware began in 1916 and was located in Vernon, California.  It was bought out by Metlox in 1958.  The pattern I have is off white with a border of leaves of gold, green, and grayish-blue with turquoise grapes.  This pattern was introduced in 1960 and discontinued in 1980. 
I can see why Mom loved it and as I said, I still love it today.  Next to pink, green is my favorite color and I have had greens in my kitchens in more than one house.  Therefore, this set of dishes has worked for me for a long time.  I also use them in the dining room (even though they don't 'match') sometimes for Thanksgiving.  They leaves on the plates look very 'fall-ish' to me.  In fact, there is a similar pattern made by Vernonware called Autumn Leaves.  It looks a lot like the Vineyard pattern.  So often when I am setting the table with these dishes, I think about my Mom and Dad and I can picture them on Ridgeview Drive.  I always think of sitting at our round kitchen table, eating off this Vineyard pattern.....Mom, Dad, Martha and me.  We always were a close family and mealtime seems to be a time when not only my family, but most families, spend time together in conversation, eating, laughter and just creating that 'picture' of family.  That's what needs to be implanted in my brain so that I can conjure it up whenever I need to take myself back to that happy time in my life.
So, my 'everyday dishes,' are not only used as vessels for our food, but they often serve as vessels for my fond memories.

Jim and I have a mishmash of plastic dishes.  We have had a couple of sets throughout the years and when they crack and fade, we throw them away.  We still have four of one set and they are almost ready for the trash.  They don't match anything and never have.  I bought them from a clearance rack at Target one time and I think I bought them mainly because they have a lot of pink in them and I knew how much Jim liked to eat off plastic dishes!  They are stained now and starting to chip in places.
The other plastic dishes we have are cute.  They have palm trees on them and they are tans, browns and greens and they go really well on our lanai.  That is why I bought them.  I have a set of 8 and I got them so that we could use them outside for our Florida cookouts.  I have started using them sometimes for our evening meals because we are almost out of our other plastic plates.  Now my palm tree plates are starting to get worn out!  I actually bought these plates at the grocery store!  Publix had them several years ago for 99 cents each.  I wish they would carry them again.  I would definitely buy some more.

When Mom moved to Florida she knew she wouldn't need her china and silver.  She had a friend from Charlotte who called her asking if she was interested in selling her china because her daughter had the same pattern and would love to buy some more.  Mom agreed.  Mom had service for 16 but her friend only wanted service for 8.  She came to get them and as we were packing them up for her I realized how much I liked them.  I needed another set of dishes like I needed a hole in the head, but being the sentimental slob that I am, I decided I may as well keep the other service for 8.  I thought that Mom may get to Florida and wish she had her china.  So far she hasn't had any desire to have it.  So, I am using her china.  I use it fairly often.  I can make it look good in either my breakfast room or my dining room.  I like it because it is heavier and sturdier than my Lenox bone china.  It actually can go in the dishwasher!  Whenever Mom comes over, I make sure I set the table with her china and silver.  That way it can make her feel like she is still using her own 'good stuff!'

This pattern in a Copeland Spode pattern.  Again, I decided to do a little bit of research on this china.  I found that the Spode company began in 1770 and in 1833 was purchased by William Copeland and Thomas Garrett.  The mark then changed to say Copeland Spode.  The pattern in Gainsborough.  It is really pretty and bold and colorful....full of lots of flowers.  The pattern was first introduced in 1933 and is based on the paintings of Harry Hammersly, one of Spode's famous Victorian artists who specialized in painting fruits and flowers.  I have recently gotten back into painting, and I can truly appreciate this artwork.  I have done a few paintings of flowers.  It is hard to capture their true beauty.  I really love this china.

As I said, I have been busy the last couple of weeks and I can think of 2 occasions in which I used this china.  I had my family over for Easter/Birthday lunch on Easter Sunday.  After church we gathered in my dining room for a meal to celebrate Easter and also to celebrate 3 of the birthdays we had.  Mom turned 88 the day after Easter.  The day after Mom turned 88, Jimmy turned 30.  And the day after Jimmy turned 30, Jim turned 60!  We truly had 4 days in a row to celebrate.  I knew with everyone's crazy work schedules we would have to make it a joint celebration on that Easter Sunday.  We had a birthday cake shaped and decorated like an Easter egg.  Although we let Mom blow out the candles, we sang 'Happy Birthday to Mom, Jimmy, Jim....Happy Birthday to you!'  It was a mouthful, but the point was made.

The table looked nice set with Mom's china and silver.  I also added a potted tulip (pink) to the center of the table for our centerpiece.  I stuck it in the Waterford Punch Bowl that was Mom's that I keep on the center of my dining room table.  It actually turned out to look pretty cool.  Mom oohed and ahhed about it a lot.  That's good, because the potted tulip was her birthday gift.  She dares me to buy her anything, but I usually know what I can 'get away with.'  The tulips were one of those things.  Mom's loves tulips.  They are definitely her favorite and have been as long as I can remember.  Martha and I used to use tulips as centerpieces for birthday luncheons we had for Mom. 

I think the combination of being surrounded by all her 'good stuff,' her family and some good food, Mom had a great Easter/Birthday!  I am sure in the future when I set my table for Easter lunch with those same dishes, I will probably think back to this Easter 2013.





I used these same dishes later that same week.  It was my turn to host my Friday morning bridge group.  I love this group.  Each woman in it is near and dear to my heart.  If ever I have to miss our time together I am so disappointed.  I have always heard that laughter is the best medicine and that it is good for your heart and all those wonderful things.  Well, should that truly be the case, these women are my life-savers.  Our hearts should all be strong and healthy from all the laughing we do.  Sometimes we laugh and giggle over the silliest things.  Aside from the laughter, we do all really love to play bridge.  We enjoy the game very much.  We play 20 hands each time we meet.  We also eat brunch and we share stories, advice and a host of other things.  And amid all that, we laugh.  We all agree that if we didn't play bridge we would never know which stores had the best sales, who the best plumber was, or which art gallery was having a good show.  I get so many tidbits of good information from this group.

We always try out new recipes on each other.  We call this group the guinea pig group.  Who else can you try out recipes on but good friends?  I served Eggs Benedict Casserole, Grits and Corn Casserole, Strawmellow Delight Salad, fresh strawberry mini-muffins, cinnamon pinwheels and pecan coffee cake......all on Mom's beautiful china.  (And with her silver too!)  I thought of Mom when I pulled it out and I thought of how she always loves it when I play bridge.  It makes her happy knowing I am with my friends and laughing and enjoying myself.  She is really sweet like that.

My china is kept in the corner cupboard in my dining room.  I picked this china out when I was 19 years old....registering at Gilliat's for my wedding registry!  I loved it then and I still love it today.  It is simple and elegant and has touches of pink among the beige and gold.  My china is delicate bone china from Lenox.  The pattern is Castle Garden.  (I just love the name of the pattern!)  My research led me to discover that Walter Scott Lenox started the company in 1889.  He combined his talent for drawing and his fascination with clay as a basis for his products.  Lenox is now "among the world's oldest and most respected names in fine tableware."  I found that my particular pattern was introduced in 1973 and discontinued in 1993.  I got married in 1976, so at that time it was probably a popular pattern.

I don't use it very often because it isn't dishwasher safe and I know it is not often the appropriate dinnerware for the types of gatherings we have around here.  I try to hear Erma Bombeck whispering in my ear as I carefully pull out my china.  Erma Bombeck was a believer in using what you have and living life to the fullest.  You never know what tomorrow will bring. 

I do use my china when I host a nice luncheon or on Thanksgiving.  I love to set a nice Thanksgiving table and I love to use my china.  When I use this china I realize the significance of how I acquired it....as wedding presents!  I know that it is not a necessity, but I sure do love to look at it in my corner cupboard.  It is almost like an accessory.  I don't find it excessive at all.  I grew up in the South and it was just part of my heritage and culture to have fine china and silver and to choose a pattern when you were getting married.  People all had a set of everyday dishes and then there was their 'good stuff.'  It is elegant and fine and I like to dine like that once in a while.  It feels good.  It takes me back to a time and place.  I like what it feels like and what it represents.  Young people today don't usually pick out fine china and silver.  I can understand that from a practical standpoint, but it is sort of sad that it seems to be something that is a dying tradition.  Madeline inherited Jessie's silver and her china.  I am glad for her that she will have it.  It may not be her style and taste, but I know she will appreciate it.  I hope she gets the same 'feel' as I do when I pull my china out of the cupboard and start setting the table.  I love the way the table looks when all these beautiful things are upon it.  It makes me happy.



I guess one day Madeline will not only have Jessie's china and silver, but she will also have her Grandma's china and silver and her mom's china and silver!  My silver was my Aunt Madeline's.  I know that my Madeline knows and appreciates the significance of family heirlooms and the importance of maintaining them and the heritage and traditions they represent.

A meal shared with family and friends is a wonderful experience.  It is so much more than just the breaking of bread.  It is a celebration of a holiday or a life.  It is simply together time.  It is a time to socialize and veer from the everyday routine.  It is a time to talk and to laugh.  It is a time to overeat and it is a time to experiment with new recipes and try new foods.  This can be a meal served on paper plates, plastic plates, everyday plates or even the good stuff.

And memories are made of this.



The Same Only Different

I was emptying my dishwasher the other day and thoughts of Martha popped in my head.  That is not unusual because I can be doing all sorts of ridiculous or mundane things and I think of her.  I am happy to say that now many of those thoughts make me smile.  Not always.  Sometimes I burst into tears and sometimes this feeling comes over me that I just can't shake. 
The dishwasher thoughts did, however, make me smile. 

As I was emptying my dishwasher and having to dry the coffee cups with a towel (which maddens me....dishwashers should leave your dishes dry), I smiled thinking about Martha.  I often shared hosting duties with her for various birthday dinners, luncheons, or parties.  We held these at her house because my house, of course, is 700 miles away from Shelby!  I became pretty proficient in her kitchen just because of the frequency of working in it. 
I remember (more than once) emptying her dishwasher.  I would pull out the top rack like I mindlessly do at home and if Martha would see me start out this way she would tell me to do the bottom rack first....because the cups on the top rack weren't usually dry and they dripped onto the bottom rack.  This is perfectly logical and makes sense in every way, yet I can't seem to change my old habits of emptying the top rack first!  So, often I smile and think about Martha as I am drying off the dishes and cursing my dishwasher for failing me with the dry cycle.
This simple dishwasher emptying moment left my head spinning with so many thoughts of Martha.  After some alone time in my kitchen first laughing then crying, I decided that I needed to devote some of my blogs to Martha.  It would take a multitude of posts to cover all the memories I have of her, but this particular one is about how much the same Martha and I were and yet how many things about us were different.  In many ways we were polar opposites.  After all, we emptied our dishwashers in opposite ways!

Speaking of dishwashers, I always loaded mine (usually haphazardly) with the silverware handles down in the washer basket.  Again, Martha noticed me doing this at her house and she told me I should put the handles facing up because then when you unloaded it, you would grab the handles to put them away and not the part that actually touched your food.  Again, this made perfectly good sense to me and Martha convinced me to change my evil ways!  I now always load my silverware handles up....and I often think of my sister as I do so.
Martha also was particular as to how to put the silverware in the drawers.  While I do use a proper silverware divider in my drawer and I do put the silverware in the correct alloted spots, I just put them in there.  Martha put hers in that way but turned a certain amount of the forks and spoons one way and the other amount the opposite way.
Obviously Martha was much more fussy about the way dishes and silverware were supposed to be handled than I am!

When Martha and I worked together in the kitchen we each had our unofficially assigned jobs.  If anything needed cutting or chopped it was an unspoken rule that I would do it.  Martha hated knives and hated using them in the kitchen.  Me, I'll pick up and knife and start cutting and chopping at the drop of a hat!  I don't even always need a cutting board.  If I have a green pepper to chop or a carrot to peel and slice, I'll just stand over the sink and hold the vegetable in my hand and start cutting.  I got many laughs at Martha when she would attempt this.  She couldn't grasp the concept of holding a piece of food and just cutting it.  Always it was a production for her.  No matter if she had to cut one little thing or several things, she got out her cutting board.  She couldn't hold anything in her hand and cut it.
I always laughed at the way she handled a knife.  First of all, she didn't own any decent knives.  I bought her some one time and she never opened the package.  I am sure they looked too frighteningly sharp to her!  So, she cut EVERYTHING with a little puny steak knife.  Everything.  It's no wonder it took her a long time to cut up a simple onion!  She would always cut with the knife going away from her.  I mean, it wasn't necessarily the safest way, I just realized the wanted the knife as far away from her as she could get it.  Oftentimes she looked very awkward as she did her cutting and chopping.
One of the worst things about this is that Martha always wanted things chopped up small.  Thus, cutting was a huge production for her.  I just cut and chop according to the time allowed.  If it's nice and small that's great.  Big chunks, I can deal with that.  Uneven pieces....who cares?
Martha and I were definitely different when it came to using a knife in the kitchen.  It did work out, though, for knowing who was doing what to prepare a meal together!

I remember one of the last parties Martha and I hosted together was a birthday luncheon for Mom.  We invited a lot of friends....including our own friends who loved Mom as one of their friends too.  One dish we made was a chicken casserole.  When I make a chicken dish that uses cooked cut up chicken, I throw my chicken in a big pot of boiling water and cook it and then use that chicken to cut up for my recipe.  Martha was totally and completely grossed out by the idea of boiling chicken!  I told her I wouldn't do it that way if I were serving the chicken by itself, but I thought boiling it left the chicken juicier to use in a dish that required further cooking.  I asked her how she did it and she told me she marinated the chicken and cooked it in a marinade in the oven.  Again, this is a great idea and her chicken dishes were always great, but I am just too lazy to go to that trouble.  I say, just throw it in a pot and forget about it for a few minutes!

I think that I have come to the conclusion as I write this that Martha was just more particular than I am in the kitchen.  I am an absolute perfectionist about many things I do, but I think I maneuver my kitchen with speed and ease (and sometimes mess).  Perhaps that comes from being married at age 20 and raising 3 children.  It also comes from not going out to eat a whole lot and it comes from being a homebody to the shear joy of cooking.  I have logged a lot of hours in the kitchen.  My kids are all grown, but I still manage to spend a fair amount of time in my kitchen now.  I guess some things will never change.
I suppose because so much of life is centered around food and gatherings for friends and family, Martha and I spent a lot of time together in the kitchen.  I can think of many things that took place in the kitchen.  I can also remember some of our good talks and lots of laughs in the kitchen.  Cooking is something you can do and still engage in good conversation and pleasantries.  I miss sharing kitchen duties with my sister.

Still on that food issue, Martha and I had entirely different tastes....literally.  We didn't always like the same things, but some things we grew up eating together and we share that love for those particular comfort foods.  But as we grew older and no longer lived "at home," our tastes began to change.
When my dear friend, Susan turned 16, her Dad took us to Gastonia to the LobSteer Inn.  It was a special occasion and he insisted we order whatever we wanted.  Susan wanted a lobster tail, but I had never had one and was sort of leery of ordering the same thing.  Mr. Mabry insisted that I also order a lobster tail....and I did.....and things have never been the same!  I loved it and to this day, it is a very special treat for me.  That along with most shellfish.  I love shrimp, scallops, lobster, and crab.  I know Martha loved good fish and shrimp, but the rest of those things didn't appeal to her.

I never was a lover of red meat.  Mom alternated our Sunday dinners with fried chicken and roast beef.  I loved the fried chicken Sundays and Martha loved the roast beef Sundays!

One time when Mom and Dad were out of town on a business trip, we had a babysitter stay with us on Woodside Drive.  We had a sitter that we loved named Inez Morehead.  She was such a sweet lady.  As the date for Mom and Dad to leave drew near, Inez got sick and couldn't come.  But she would never leave my parents in a lurch so she said her sister, Lorraine, would be happy to do it.  That worked and my parents didn't have to stress about finding another sitter or cancelling their trip.  Lorraine came to stay with us and we quickly found out she was nothing like her sister!  She was truly a witch, if memory serves me correctly.  Of course, through the years Martha and I told and re-told the stories of Lorraine and I am sure her witchiness grew stronger with each re-telling.  One of the things we liked to tell about this experience was an example of Martha and me liking totally different foods.  Martha loved chicken noodle soup and I did not like it at all.  Likewise, I loved tomato soup and Martha couldn't stomach it.  Mom always let us each have the kind we liked.  She had no problem opening two different cans for us.  While Lorraine was staying with us, she said there was NO WAY she would open two cans and that Martha and I had to decide which one we were going to eat.  We explained to her fruitlessly that Mom always opened two cans to be sure that we ate well.  No amount of explaining, begging or crying seemed to help.  I honestly don't remember the outcome of that incident or what we actually ate for lunch that day.  If only Martha and I didn't have different tastes......

Dad occasionally took the family out for dinner on the weekends to Kelly's in Blacksburg, S.C.  It was a treat and a wonderful family outing.  When I would always order a hamburger, Martha would tease me and tell me I should order a steak....(after all, Daddy said we could)!  I never really liked to eat steak, so the yummy hamburgers were good enough for me.  I eat steak now, but the truth be known, I'll take a good juicy hamburger over the finest steak any day!

I always wanted lots of raw onion and French dressing on my salads...and throw in some feta or parmesan cheese.  Martha was more about mushrooms (yuck!), cheddar cheese and dressings other than French!

After I moved to Florida and came back to Shelby, I wanted to eat livermush and homegrown tomatoes and cucumbers.  I wanted to go out to eat at Shelby Cafe, Pizza Inn and Alston Bridges Barbecue.  Martha was a good sport because I know those were not the restaurants of her choice.  But I know she understood the sentiment of 'coming home again.'  I had to eat at the places that meant something to me when I was growing up.  I could eat some fried okra from Shelby Cafe right now.....or sausage pizza from the Pizza Inn buffet or a delicious chopped sandwich and hushpuppies from Alston's!  I guess my mouth will always water when I think of those foods.  I appreciate Martha's willingness to let me always get my 'fix' when I came to visit.  After all, I took her to places where she could eat fresh grouper every day when she would come to visit me in Florida!

Give me strong black coffee and not that stuff with creamer and Splenda in it!  Please leave the mushrooms out of anything I eat and make sure my red meat is cooked well....I don't like it 'mooing,' as we used to say Martha liked it. 
That makes me remember the time Mom and Dad took Martha and me to NYC.  Jim was willing and kind enough to stay home with Joseph and Jimmy who were 2 and 5 at the time.  It was hard for me to leave them, but I can say that it turned out to be a wonderful and memorable trip!  Martha and I had such a good time.
I remember dining in the Edwardian Room at the Plaza Hotel.  It was such an amazing experience.  It's funny how some dining experiences are unforgettable.  I remember that I ordered sole for dinner.  It is amazing that I can actually remember what I ate!  Martha ordered steak tartare and I was expecting to see a lovely filet mignon with some sort of sauce on it.  I knew Martha loved steak and I didn't know exactly what steak tartare was.  Lo and behold, when she was served, I was appalled and kept telling her how disgusting it was!  I couldn't imagine eating raw meat.  I still can't.  I guess Mom and Dad jumped on my bandwagon and poor Martha lost her appetite and wasn't able to eat much of her meal.  I feel badly that we ruined that dining experience for her, but I think it is something that we will always remember.  Through the years Martha often reminded me of how I ruined her appetite that night!

Martha and I may have had entirely different food tastes, but the memories that have been created by our moments filled with food are ever lasting and cherished.  I often pass by or go into a restaurant that is new or one I never got a chance to dine in with Martha and I let out a big sigh.   I feel like I am being cheated, but I am sure that Martha is dining wonderfully in heaven.  And I am sure nobody is commenting on the rareness of her steak or the fact that it is smothered in mushrooms. Have some cream and sweetener with that coffee and enjoy.  Bon Apetit!

Martha and I were alike in that we shared a love of music, books, theater and art.  I feel blessed that we both had these interests and that we were always exposed to the arts.
Martha and I shared similar tastes in music, but there were some things that we would go back and forth on and tease each other about.  I truly, however, credit my sister for a lot of my music taste.  She played records all the time and that love for music passed down to me.  She was 4 school grades ahead of me and that was just enough to make her seem a lot older.  I was on the cusp of the rock era and most of the music I love is 70's music.  I spent all of my high school and college years in the 70's.  Martha, however, started loving music in the 60's so I was exposed to that.  I can't hear a song by The Association without thinking of Martha.  She introduced me to Van Morrison and a host of other artists that I still love today.
When Martha had Porter, her world changed.  It changed in so many amazing ways and I cannot look at Porter without thinking of the shear joy he brought to my sister.  Porter gave me a plaque for Christmas that says:  "Only an Aunt can love you like a Mother, keep secrets like a Sister, and share love like a Friend."  I choked back the tears when I opened it because he will never know what that means to me.  I had given my dear Aunt Jessie a blanket that had that very same sentiment embroidered on it.  It is on my bed right now.  I know how I felt about her when I gave it to her, so I thought if Porter feels that way about me, then I feel very loved and very privileged.  I will never take the place of Porter's Mom, but I love that he and I will always have her as our connection to one another.
But back to Porter and the whole music thing.  Porter LOVED country music when he was little.  He loved it obssessively and obnoxiously!  Martha had never liked country music even a little bit until this came about with Porter.  How he got on that jag I will never know!  Anyway, Martha, being the good mother that she was, let Porter listen to country music whenever they got in the car.  I hated it and teased her about it unmercifully.  In defense of Porter she would always tell me it sort of 'grew on you.'  I laughed it off, but I am sure she is laughing down at me now if she could see me zipping down the road with my sunroof open, windows rolled down and country music blaring!  Yes, Martha, it does sort of 'grow on you.'  It just took me awhile to realize that.

On the other hand, I guess I did a similar thing with Madeline.  The year that Clay Aiken was on American Idol, Madeline and I became huge fans.  We listened to him, went all over the place to his concerts, and just were obnoxious fans!  I don't think about Clay much any more, but if I ever hear one of his songs I get a little 'pang.'  I do think he has a wonderful voice and I will always think that.  Martha used to tease me about that too.  She would say things about it in front of Madeline, but not too often because she knew how much Madeline was in love with him!  Different strokes for different folks.....or I should say, different tunes.

Martha and I spent a lot of hours just talking.  We never got tired of sitting and talking. In her living room.  In my den.  On my lanai.  On the balcony of her Myrtle Beach condo.  In the car or on a plane.  On the phone.  We never were at a loss for words and we never ran out of subject matter to talk about.  We loved to talk about what new music we listened to and what books we were reading and what shows we had seen.  We loved to talk about what museums and galleries we had been to and what pieces of art we liked.  We definitely shared a love of all of these things, even if our tastes were different.

We liked to read a lot of the same books, but we differed on a lot of books.  Growing up I loved the 'Madeline' books, 'The Boxcar Children', biographies about nurses and books about cats.  Martha loved Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.  She never tired of mysteries and read them all her life.  I read a good mystery on occasion, but that is not my 'thing.'  Martha never cared for romance novels, and I only read them occasionally, but I do love a well-written romance novel.  Neither of us cared to waste our precious reading time on a book that wasn't 'good.'  I read every word of the Mitford series and Martha was more into this series of books by Bailey White, one of which was "Mama Makes Up Her Mind."  I loved "Water for Elephants," "The Kite Runner," and "Under the Tuscan Sun."  Martha didn't care for those, but she loved so many other books that I didn't even want to read. 
I would say that our passion for reading was equally shared, but our types of books maybe not.  We did pass a lot of books back and forth throughout the years, and it was great when we read one that we both liked.  We loved to discuss those books.
We also spent many hours discussing the greatest book of all.  Our Bible discussions could last way into the night.  I love having passionate and intelligent conversations about interesting things with someone who equally loves to have these discussions.  I have a list of books I would like to tell Martha about now.  I know which ones she would like and which ones she wouldn't.  One day I hope to have some more deep discussions with Martha.  I do miss them.

I truly believe one of our favorite things to talk about and to do was theater.  We loved to go to shows together and we saw so many good ones.  I remember the night we went to see "Mama Mia" in Charlotte.  I don't think either of us really knew much about it and it was one of those wonderfully pleasant surprises.  We were dancing in our seats and we smiled the whole night.  This was very cool because Martha always said she didn't like musicals.  I am a sucker for a good musical.  Martha felt like it was so unrealistic to be talking about something and suddenly break into song!  I guess logically she is right, but I never viewed it that way.  I think that as musicals became more popular and more sophisticated and spectacular Martha grew to love and appreciate them too.  We surely had some great memories centered around theater....musicals or straight comedies and dramas.  We took Madeline and Porter to see "The Miracle Worker" with Hillary Swank.  We sat on the second row and all of our mouths were agape the whole time.  It was an amazing production.

I actually have spent quite a bit of time involved in theater.  While Martha said she could never see herself onstage, she admired and appreciated what I did.  She supported me in every way and came to productions when she could.  She loved hearing all about what I was doing in the theater.  I know she would be bursting at the seams with pride if she could see Porter on stage!  He caught the theater bug like I did in high school.

Martha and I loved seeing "Art."  It was genius, in my opinion.  Four grown men spent an entire play discussing the merits, or lack thereof, of a piece of art.  It was basically a huge white canvas!  The interchanges between these men were brilliant.  It was a true commentary on beauty being in the eyes of the beholder and art meaning different things to different people.  Martha and I both loved that show.

Speaking of art, that is something both Martha and I loved and appreciated.  Martha had quite a collection of amazing artwork in her home.  She grew to love going to galleries and she loved to buy interesting pieces.  I appreciate everything she collected, but there are only a few pieces in her house that I always wanted for myself!  They are probably not things that other people would even notice or comment on, but they spoke to me.  One is a print of two boys on a putting green.  When she bought the picture I was freaking out!  I totally "saw" the picture as Jimmy and Joseph.  I still think it looks so much like them and I smile when I look at it.  Another piece Martha had is a ballerina in front of a window.  It is meaningful to me in more ways than one.  I simply love the original painting, and it was painted by Ginger Spangler, one of Martha's friends and a talented Cleveland County artist.  Madeline is a dancer and I love anything that has to do with dance.  Another of Ginger's pieces that is totally different (Ginger is an amazing artists and does lots of different kinds of work) is a wooden box with a glass front and a wooden carved man on the outside of the glass.  It is etched with a clever saying referring that he dared to be different.  I absolutely love it and I see it as such a "Martha piece."  She loved unique art and I think this is one of those pieces.  And Martha had a small, dark painting in her dining room of a little girl.  I remember when she got it I told her I wanted it!  She laughed and later told me she always thought of me when she looked at it.
Martha and Bob had a huge collection of Bob Timberlake pictures.  I love them and I think that Martha loved them because Bob loved them!  They had them all over the wall in their den.  They looked great there.
Martha had some exquisite pieces of art throughout her home.  I loved and appreciated them all even though many of them would not be pieces I would have wanted for my own home.

I have always loved crafting and creating artwork.  I have recently gotten back into painting and I have gone about it rather obssessively. 
Martha always called me if she had to make something for Porter's school or come up with a craft for church or a birthday party.  She always said she had no talent for creating things and that I got all of it.  She was really wrong about that.  I think our creative talents just were simply in different areas.  I can think of a multitude of creations in which she excelled.  Just walk into her home.  It was always impeccably decorated and creative.  I think making crafts and coming up with ideas for birthday parties is just something I enjoy.  You have to enjoy something in order to want to do it all the time.

Martha and I both shared a love and compassion for animals.  We would agree that neither of us ever had the desire to have a hamster or any such creature as that as a pet, however!  Martha was more of a dog person and I am more of a cat person.  I loved her dogs and she loved my cats.  Simple as that.
Martha and I loved to shop together.  While she looked for fashion and the latest styles, I was shopping for tee shirts and flip flops.  Our differences never stopped us from enjoying a day at the mall!

Martha and I always got along.  We never fought as kids.  We would tell our friends how we never argued or disagreed and they were always amazed by that.  But it is the truth.  In fact, I am sure Martha was one of the best big sisters in the world.  She let me tag along with her friends to the movies and when they all sat around in her room listening to records and talking about boys, she let me sit on the floor and listen!  She never shooed me away or called me names.  I always looked up to her.  When we were married adults, I still looked up to her as my big sister.  It seemed funny to me when she got pregnant with Porter she called me all the time to ask questions about pregnancy and after he was born the phone calls continued to discuss babies!  It seemed funny that my big sister was seeking out advice from ME. 
Our few disagreements throughout our adult life were never very big and they certainly were never long lasting.  I really cherish the wonderful relationship that we shared.

Thinking about sister relationships led me to thinking about my boys.  They have a similar type relationship that Martha and I had.  They are so different in so many ways....interests, fashion, personality, food preferences and so many other things.  Yet Jimmy and Joseph never fought when they were little and they don't fight now.  I know they have probably had some disagreements.  But the fact remains that they are brothers and they respect and love one another.  They always make up after a fight or argument and they keep in touch with each other.  I have always been touched by their loyalty.  Neither one ever wants to "rat out" the other one!  I totally respect and admire that about them. 
They are definitely the same only different, just like Martha and me.

I know that family ties are extremely important to me.  I am thankful for the upbringing I had that made creating these ties so easy.  I feel blessed to have not only had two wonderful parents, but I am sure I could not have had a better sister.  I always felt loved and respected by Martha and I pray that she felt the same way about me.  I miss her so much and some days it still seems almost too difficult to even get out of bed but I just try to think of all the GOOD things about my relationship with Martha instead of the fact that all of those things are just memories and no more new memories can be created.  I suppose that makes the memories I have more precious than ever.
I am sad and angry that Martha won't be here to see Madeline get married.  Of all the people I can think of, Martha would have enjoyed hearing about the wedding plans more than anyone else.  She would have wanted to host a party (or two) and she would have loved every moment of it.  I do feel cheated.
I also face some parts of my future with fear.  I had planned to have Martha around with me for so many things.  It is scary to know I will be facing them without her. 
I am big on preaching to my family about God's timing.  I have to remind myself of that and realize that what has happened and what will happen is truly out of my hands and out of my realm of understanding.  I am trying to grasp that and to trust and move forward.  This has been one difficult journey to travel.  Losing Martha has been so much harder than I would have imagined.

Cats or dogs?  Beef or chicken?  Comedy or drama? Arts or crafts?  Handles up or handles down?  Boil or bake?  On stage or in the audience?  Fiction or nonfiction?
Those things are all questionable and simply a matter of taste or preference.  What is undeniable is the love of family and the bond of sisters.  What isn't to be questioned is the ease and comfort that is found when you are with someone so special to your heart. 
And memories are made of this.

We shared many secrets,

the same Mom and Dad.

We shared lots of good times,

Don't think of the bad.

Our memories we'll cherish,

with love without end.

I'm glad you're my sister....

I'm glad you're my friend.

The Other Half

My name says I am a Porter, but there is another part of me:  the Humphries part.   I tend to write a lot about my Porter cousins because there are more of them and the memories are ongoing.  Unfortunately, our Humphries clan is dwindling, but I guess that is an even better reason for recording the memories of this other half of me.

I do have many memories of my Humphries relatives.  Many of them are older memories because, as I said, this side of my family is getting smaller and smaller.  I have written a lot about my Aunt Jessie and that is understandable.  She was a huge and important part of my life and she lived to be 96.  She hasn't been gone that long, so my memories are abundant and fresh.  I am sure I will forever have more and more memories of Jessie surface.  Mom and I still talk about how much we miss her and Mom always feels the need to talk to her or ask her something.  I know just how she feels, since I am that way about Martha.  I miss my sister like crazy and I want so much to talk to her.  Not a day goes by that I do not think about that. 
I guess Mom and I are lucky to feel such loss.  It is said that grief is the price we pay for love.  Ain't that the truth?  The more you love the harder it is to accept the grief.  I guess that is why I am still mourning the loss of Martha.  We shared something so special and it is missed tremendously in my life.  There is nothing like the love between sisters.  Mom and I can both attest to that.  I suppose that it is true to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.  It is a high price, but some things are just worth it.

Thinking about Jessie leads my thoughts to Tony.  He is her only son and he has been in my thoughts a lot lately as well.  He lost his dear wife, Phyllis, right after Christmas.  I know he joins Mom and me in our thoughts about the price you pay for love.
Tony was (and still is) so very handsome.  I know Shelby High School was proud to have him grace their halls and their football field.  Tony was a good student, athlete and ladies' man!  He was voted Most Handsome in the Senior Superlatives in the yearbook.  I am not prejudiced.  They definitely got it right!

I always picture Tony with his dark hair slicked back and donning a letter sweater with that Golden S proudly displayed.  Tony is 16 years older than I am, so I didn't get to hang out with him like I did some of my cousins.  Rather, I just looked up to him and was proud to call him a relative. 

Tony taught swimming lessons at the Shelby City Park for years.  He was sort of a legend around there.  I'm sure all the kids loved having him for a teacher.
When we bought Jessie's house on Ridgeview Drive, they moved to Country Club Acres and they had a house that was not only on the golf course, but it had a swimming pool!  Needless to say, I spent a lot of time over there in the summers.
Jessie always let Martha and me bring friends over to swim, and we often asked Betsy and Sara Lutz to come over and join us.  They lived across the street from Jessie, so it was very convenient.  We were glad to have two fun playmates so nearby since we spent a lot of time at Jessie's house.  The pool also had a diving board, so that made it extra fun!  I remember so many good times at that pool.
A memorable time was when Tony came home from college and brought his friend, Frank Bumgardner, with him.  Frank was also very good looking and he was an actor!  He had been in some movies and I really don't remember all the details.  I just know that we felt special being in the midst of a real Hollywood 'celebrity!'   We succumbed to the 'giddy girls' status when we watched Tony and Frank do dives, jumps and cannonballs off the diving board!

When Tony started seeing Phyllis, she was a widow with 2 precious boys.  Tony and Phyllis were crazy about each other and Tony likewise was crazy about Phyllis' boys.  When they married, he legally adopted Tommy and Ward and I know they were proud to call him Dad.  He was a good father to them.
I have fond memories of Tommy and Ward as little boys playing in Jessie's back yard and I also remember them as awkward pre-teens in their brand new suits at my wedding!  I don't see or talk to either of them often, but when I do I always enjoy our interesting conversations.  They are both fun and easy to talk to.  I do have some fond memories with them when we all reached adulthood and they were no longer my 'little cousins.'  We had some laughs and good times at Tony and Phyllis' house in Raleigh during the Christmas holidays.

Jessie was married to Tony Hammock, simply known to us all as Hammock.  He was a smart businessman and a good husband and provider.  I remember him as serious and dashing.  My mom loved him and she credits him and Jessie with being kind and generous with their time, money and supportiveness to her as she was growing into a young woman.  Jessie was 12 years older than Mom, so she really looked up to her in many ways. 
When Hammock died, Mom said she hadn't understood grief prior to that moment.  She felt like she had a hole in her heart and she said for years on Ridgeview Drive she would 'hear' his voice or imagine him walking in the back door.
I wish I personally had more memories of Hammock, but I just imagine the wonderful man he was through the stories I hear Mom tell about him.  It is a beautiful thing to not only love your family so much, but to also love your in-laws.  Not everyone is so fortunate.

Jessie was easy to love and that is probably why she found a wonderful husband the second time around.  Many people never find true love, and to find it twice is such a blessing.  Both Jessie and Mom had that good fortune.  Jessie's second husband, Bob Van Sleen was such a great man!  He laughed a lot and was so kind.  He fit right into our Humphries clan and everyone loved him.  Bob was a smart man....a retired electrical engineer.  He loved gadgets of all kinds, but his passion was old radios.  He had a workshop behind their house and he spent most of the daylight hours out there.  It was a fascinating workshop filled with old radios, ham radios, radio dials, radio parts, and a host of wires and knobs.  I don't know what all he did out there all day, but I do understand being passionate about hobbies, so I know it was a blessing that he had something like that in his life.  I have one of his old radios on my den shelf.  It is a nice memory of Bob.  I am so glad that Jessie saved it.  She actually said it was for Jim, because my husband always loved to talk to Bob about his radios.  He thought they were really special.
Bob loved music.  He had a huge reel to reel tape player in the family room and shelves full of big band music.  He often made cassette tapes for Mom.  He was a good man.

Tony's closest cousin was Bobby Childrez.  Again, he was enough older than me that I didn't get to hang out with him, but I remember him well at all our Christmas parties and other family gatherings.  What I remember about him is his dry wit and humor.  He's a big, handsome man and I think that made his humor even more endearing.  He is not one I see or talk to often, but it doesn't matter.  Family is family.  When Tony asked me to call Bobby and tell him about Phyllis' passing, I didn't hesitate.  In fact, it was a good moment to reconnect.  It didn't take us long to strike up a phone conversation.
Bobby is married to Linda and she is such a sweet and kind woman.  I have always loved her and she remains sweet and thoughtful.  Not a year goes by that I don't receive a Christmas card from them.  I always recognize Linda's handwriting.  It has never changed throughout the years.  I think Linda's most endearing quality is her ever-present smile. 

Bobby and Linda have two beautiful girls:  Cathy and Susan.  I remember when they were both born.  I loved having new baby cousins!  I always wanted to go over to their house so I could see them.  I did enjoy watching both of them grow up into beautiful, smart women.  Having them at the family gatherings was fun.....two more girls to play with!

Bobby's parents were Bob and Hattie Mae Childrez.  I really don't remember Bob but I do remember Mom's sister, Hattie Mae.  I enjoyed spending time visiting her in her home.  She was fun and witty, as were all the Humphries'.   Unfortunately, she passed away before I got to create a whole lot of memories with her.  I referred to Jessie's Bible (that now resides on my coffee table) for some information and dates about Hattie Mae.  I couldn't find what I was looking for, but I found an interesting tidbit of information.  Hattie Mae, along with Horace Kennedy, was a witness for the marriage of Jessie and Tony Hammock on September 13, 1936. 
Jessie has some information recorded on a family tree chart in the middle of her Bible.  Some of the information dates as far back as 1750!

Speaking of Jessie's Bible, Madeline picked it up the other day.  We heard a reference to Matthew 25 and we wanted to read it.  Madeline picked up Jessie's Bible, which I have left just as she had it, and one of the bookmarks was on Matthew 25:  35-40.  She had that written on the bookmark.  It is that familiar passage that begins with "For I was hungry and you gave me meat:  I was thirsty, and you gave me drink:  I was a stranger and you took me in."
I am not surprised that Jessie had this passage marked in her Bible as one that was meaningful to her.  This passage is just one of many that shows how Jessie led a true Christ-like life.

Mom had a brother, Yates.  He was married to Mildred and I loved visiting them throughout my life.  They were so pleasant and nice and Mildred just loved life!  She was a fun aunt to visit and she always appreciated my coming over.  As children visiting Mildred, she gave us candy and sat on the floor and played with us.  She always made us feel special. 
Mildred and Yates loved Nascar and when you went to their house on Sunday afternoon, the 'races' were on!  Mildred knew everything about all the drivers and she got very excited about it.  I have never cared much for this sport, but this past weekend with all the publicity about the Daytona 500 and the crash that sent some spectators to the hospital, I began to think about racing and Mildred and Yates.  It is interesting what can spark a memory or take you back in time.

Mom loved to go with me to visit Mildred and Yates.  They were very special to her, as were all of her family members.  Jessie and Mom both instilled the love and caring for family in all of us.  They always felt like family members needed to look after each other.
Anyway, Mom never left Mildred's house without reaching on a shelf by the kitchen window and taking down a jar filled with cinnamon red hots.  Mildred always had them and Mom always got into the car to leave with a handful of them.  I'll bet Mildred bought them just for my mother!

Mildred and Yates had a bird.  His name was Preacher Bird.  Mildred loved this bird and loved to talk baby talk to him.  Mildred loved all of God's creatures.  I remember Jim and I visiting Shelby from Raleigh and we would bring our dog with us.  Mom didn't care for dogs, so Mildred always offered to let our dog stay with her while we visited!  I think it was a good excuse for her to have a pet in her house for awhile.  I knew she didn't mind so I didn't feel imposing.

Mildred loved kids.  She babysat and watched Martha more than she did me.  I think Martha and Mildred developed a really strong bond throughout the years.  Mildred was one of those aunts that all kids love to have.  She would let you get away with things that your parents wouldn't.  She never did anything harmful or that would jeopardize our health or safety, she just took a few 'liberties' and we loved her for it!  I won't expose all the secrets, but I know she helped Martha out with quite a few things.

Mildred and Yates loved it when I used to visit with my children.  She considered Joseph, Jimmy and Madeline almost like her own grandchildren.  She was great with them and loved to know what was going on in their lives.  She gave them gifts and talked to them and played with them.  They loved her equally as much as she loved them.
Jessie always called herself  "Great Grandma" to my boys.  I think Mildred could have called herself that as well.  My kids had lots of "grandmotherly" type love!

When Yates' health was ailing, he couldn't have asked for a better nurse than his own wife.  She was very doting, nuturing, and comforting.  She didn't mind taking care of him at all.  In fact, for years she had to do this and I don't think she complained for one second.  Mildred was a true gem and I really miss her.  She was a good counterpart for Yates.  Her vitality and zest for life were  pleasant contrasts to Yates' quiet, calm and non-complaintive manner.

Mildred and Yates had one son, Eddie.  They were so proud of him.  He made a wonderful career for himself and he married a lovely woman, Liz.  They are so interesting and have travelled and had experiences most of us never will!  They never had children, and I'm sure Mildred missed having grandchildren, but on the other hand, it allowed Eddie and Liz to do so many wonderful things.  Plus, Mildred got her grandmother 'fix' with all her nieces and nephews! 
Eddie and Liz live in Florida now at The Villages.  It is the perfect place for them since it is a community filled with activities.  I know Eddie and Liz are involved in many of those activities and I am sure they have many friends and are loved at The Villages.

Mom had another brother, Earl.  Earl was married to Margaret and I remember her, but not well.  I have many more memories of Earl's second wife, Lucille.  They were together for a long time and I think of them as a couple.  Lucille was such a nice lady and I am glad she and Earl had so many happy years together.  I think if you ask anyone in our family to quickly blurt out something about Lucille, it would be that she kept the cleanest house in America!  I am not exaggerating.  I loved going to their house because it was truly the tidiest, cleanest house ever.  But the good thing about it was it still felt 'homey' and Lucille was a good cook.  I remember eating lots of good food at their house.  Sometimes we would sit on the sofa in the living room and talk when we visited, but more times than not, we sat at the kitchen table.  She always offered refreshments and we always took her up on it!  I can visualize this kitchen like it was yesterday.  Good memories.

Earl was also a sweet man.  Earl didn't say much, but when he did, it was worth listening to.  He either told truly interesting stories and jokes or just had a lot of witty one-liners.  He was extremely patriotic and proud to be an American, so many of his conversations were along those lines.....which often led to politics.  Oh no!  Watch out for those political debates.....

Mom has a clipping from the Shelby Star that she pulls out from time to time.  I know she is proud of it, and rightfully so.  It is a story about Veterans that was published right after Veteran's Day several years ago.  There is a picture of Earl standing by a tree, hand on heart, at a Veteran's Day parade.  I forget what the caption of the picture says, but it is a nice tribute to a man who proudly displays his patriotism.  That was my uncle, Earl Humphries.

Earl had 2 children, Shelia and Kevin.  Of the Humphries clan, those two cousins were the closet in age to Martha and me.  We did the most with them.  Bobby Childrez lives in Kings Mountain, but Shelia and Kevin are the only members of our Humphries family that still live in Shelby.  That seems really weird.  We are not only dwindling, but the few of us left are also scattered all over the place.

I know Shelia really misses Mom since she moved to Florida.  I hate that for her and Kevin since they don't really have anyone else around.  I guess they will just have to look after each other and call on us when they need to.

Shelia is a hard-worker and a thoughtful soul.  She always writes the nicest notes and remembers Mom not only on every holiday or special occasion, but she is good to write her or send her things 'just because.' 
Shelia and Martha were in the same graduating class at Shelby High School.  Martha also had 2 other Porter cousins in that class.  They all kept up with each other.  I didn't have anyone in my class, but Scott Porter was in the class behind mine.  Martha was lucky to have so many cousins so close in age.
Shelia loves cats.  That is one area where I can totally and completely relate to her!  She loves them as much as I do.  She also collects elephants.  She has a really neat collection of elephants....large and small and in between.  One time I got a set of  5 minature brass elephants that graduated in size.  After I had them on my shelf for awhile, I learned that Shelia loved and collected elephants, so I gave them to Mom to give to her.

Kevin was such a cute and sweet little boy!  He is a few years younger than me.  I remember one year when he was about 8 or so, Mom and I planned a birthday party for him at the Putt Putt course.  He had a great time there with all his friends.  Don't ask me why, but I remember his birthday cake had a plastic rocket on it!  I guess maybe Kevin was into rockets at the time.

I know that Shelia and Kevin miss their parents, aunts and uncles and the few cousins that they have.  Hopefully they know that they are loved and that they were very much a part of my life growing up.  Family Christmas gatherings or birthday parties wouldn't have been the same without them.  There just weren't that many of us near my age.  They were the 'fun cousins!'

Fernia was one of Mom's sisters.  She died as a baby, so of course she wasn't around for anyone to create many memories.  I suppose when that 'glorious reunion' occurs, I can meet this awesome aunt of mine who I never knew!

Mom's younger brother, Donald, was a true patriot like his brother Earl.  He was in the service most all of his adult life.  He spent it oversees.  Not only was he a dedicated serviceman, he was also a compassionate soul who saw the sufferings of the world and did everything he could to help the less fortunate.  We have the letters he sent home to Jessie and Mom.  They are not only family correspondence, they depict servitude, other cultures and life overseas.  They are truly a lesson in history and in life.
I only met Donald once or twice when he came home on leave.  I know Mom and his other siblings really admired and respected him.  He is someone else I wish I could have gotten to know better.

I can't write about the Humphries clan without mentioning Gin Wolfe and Grace 'Cis' Sheperd.  They were Mom's cousins and they were a big part of my life growing up.  We visited them often and I have fond memories of the both of them.  Like Mom and Jessie and Martha and myself, Gin and Cis were sisters who had a close relationship.  They were both married to wonderful men and had happy marriages and great lives living in Shelby.
Mary Sheperd is Dow and Cis's daughter.  She lives in Shelby now, and I do get to visit her on occasion when I go back.  Mary is funny.  I enjoy her humor and wisecracks.  She has a flair for making us giggle.  Mary has recently taken up the banjo, so she entertains us with a little picking from time to time.
Mary and I share an understanding of what it is like to lose a sibling at much too young an age.  It is nice to have someone in the family to talk to who 'gets it.'

Gin Wolfe's house always smelled like a bakery.  She baked cakes for people and I must tell you, I use her cakes as a basis for what a good cake should taste like.  I have had few compare!  She always made a chocolate cake with caramel frosting for my birthday.  My nephew Porter developed his love for caramel, so I make him a pound cake with caramel frosting for his birthday now.  It is with fond memories of Gin.  I think Tony always requested one of Gin's cake for his birthday.....a pound cake with caramel frosting.  My other two favorites were Gin's German chocolate cake and her fresh coconut cake.  They were delicious!
Needless to say, Martha and I loved to go over to Gin's and 'help' her bake (aka:  lick the bowl!).

Gin's daughters, Jane and Anna, were my older cousins.  I always looked up to them and thought they were so cool.  Jane was beautiful and elegant and Anna was beautiful and witty!  Anna took on the personality of her mom.  They were so much alike.
Imagine the thrill it was for me, snaggled toothed at 8 years old, to be asked to be a Junior Bridesmaid in Jane's wedding.  Martha was one too.  We wore long green dresses and carried bouquets.  It was the first wedding I had ever been to and I couldn't believe my great fortune at getting to walk down the aisle!

I remember a recent trip to Shelby when Mom and I joined Jane and Anna for an egg salad sandwich and orangeade at Carolina Dairy.  It was like old times.

My mom had two aunts....another pair of great sisters....who lived next door to each other.  We knew them simply as Aunt Jane and Aunt Bess.  I have to say that in my memory, Aunt Bess might as well have been named Aunt Bea, as in Aunt Bea from Mayberry.  She reminded me of her in many ways.  She was always in the kitchen, aproned and jolly!  I was recently telling Mom that I remember so often sitting in her kitchen drinking cold Cheerwine from a bottle and eating 'Chicken Feed.'  Chicken Feed is what we now call Chex Mix or Nuts and Bolts.  But to me, it will always be Chicken Feed and I love it as much now as I did then!  Mom is amazed that I remember things like that, but some things you just never forget.
Great memories of childhood.

Nanma, Pearl Kennedy Humphries, was the epitome of a storybook Grandma.  I only had her for 7 short years, but I have many fond memories of her.  She let me get away with staying up past my bedtime and letting me eat too much candy.  I remember sitting in her lap in a rocking chair as she sang and read to me.  She let me eat corn and olives for breakfast because I hated bacon and eggs.  She gave me a kitten and let me help her in the kitchen.  She was a sweet grandma.
I never knew my Porter grandfather nor my Humphries grandfather, Marshall Davis Humphries.  It is a shame that I was cheated out of this pleasure, but I had a lot of great aunts and uncles to take up the slack!  I was named after my grandfather, Mary Marshall Porter, and I carried that name on to my son, James Marshall Fitzpatrick.  I love family ties and I love family names.  It is one way of carrying on tradition and it is a way to spark memories.

Pearl and Marshall did a great job with their family.  I am proud to be a part of this lineage.  I share so many traits with some of these Humphries' and I know Mom has always felt blessed.  I like to hear her talk about her family because she always does so with such love and devotion in her voice.

And memories are made of this.




Mom and Me
1985

The Clan celebrating Jessie's Birthday
1989

Pearl and Marshall Humphries with Fernia

Beautiful Bea Humphries

Jessie

Mom as teenager

Jessie's Bible on my coffee table

Martha and Bob Van Sleen sharing a laugh



Christmas 1977
Shelia with Mom & Dad and Jessie & Bob



Mildred's Birthday 1992
 loving on Madeline with big brother Joseph looking on



Beautiful Great Grandma Jessie with Joseph
1981



Great Grandma Jessie sharing her treats with Jimmy
Christmas Eve 1984



Cis and Dow, Jessie and Bob, Jimmy

Mildred, Mom and Homer
August 1991

Jessie with Madeline and Jimmy
June 2009

Martha and Me
Christmas 1994

SISTER LOVE

Mom and Jessie
More Sister Love



Phyllis

Phyllis Hammock was one of a kind.  No one would dispute that.  We sadly lost her right after Christmas.  I was so saddened and shocked to learn about her passing, but I am trying to do what Phyllis would have wanted.....keep her spirit alive and remember all the wonderful things about her.

Since she died, I think about her often.  I have thought of so many precious memories, so I decided to blog about some of them.  I think Phyllis would like that.

I don't think you could meet Phyllis and not like her.  She was a very likable soul.  She was always upbeat, positive and smiling.  Phyllis was very touchy-feely, and you couldn't have a conversation with her without her touching your arm or shoulder or grabbing your hands.  That was one of the things that was so endearing about her.  You knew if you were talking to her she was listening and engaged.  Her eyes always met yours.
The last time I saw Phyllis was when Martha was in the hospital and then at her funeral.  Phyllis was so saddened by this but was there with us throughout it all.  She will never know how much it meant to me and my family to have her and Tony there with us through this horrible ordeal.  That is what family is all about.  Phyllis held my hands, gave me hugs and cried right along with me.  Although this was a sad occasion, it is sort of fitting that it will be the last memory I have with Phyllis.  I definitely feel a bond there.

When I first met Phyllis, I was a just a girl living on Ridgeview Drive.  Tony and Phyllis would come to Shelby to visit Jessie.  I loved to go to Jessie's house and play with Phyllis' boys, Tommy and Ward.  I thought they were the cutest little things!  I can shut my eyes and see them running around Jessie's backyard with their holsters and guns and big cowboy hats.  They were such 'boys.'

Throughout time, I got to know Phyllis better and better.  She enjoyed being part of our family and we loved having her as well.  She and Tony were inseparable.  Whenever Tony called us or called Jessie, you knew you would also get to talk to Phyllis.  They were a package deal!

I remember when Jim and I were engaged and it was my birthday about one month before our wedding.  We had dinner at Tony and Phyllis' house in Zebulon, NC.  Mom and Dad had come to Elon to visit us and we drove to The Hammocks.  I remember when we drove up, there was a brown Mustang in the driveway with a huge bow on top!  It was a surprise for me....birthday/engagement gift.  It was my first car and it was a total and complete shock!  I was so happy and so amazed.  Tony owned a car dealership then and he and my dad had made a deal.  I think it was a wonderful moment for us all.  Leave it to my Dad to do something so amazing and wonderful.  Of course, I am sure my Mom had her hand in it too, but she took the background, as usual.  She let Daddy have this 'moment.'  I can see Phyllis in the foreground....hands over her mouth stifling her smiles and laughter!  Surprises are awesome and this one really took the cake.  I am glad I got to share this moment with Mom, Dad, Jim and Tony and Phyllis.  It is something to add to my special memory bank.  Phyllis will always be a part of this wonderful memory.

I think it might have been that same evening when we ate a delicious meal...steaks on the grill and all the trimmings.  I remember going apes over the scalloped potatoes and being the bride-to-be, I was very interested in recipes.  I asked Phyllis to share her recipe and she very boldly told everyone it was her 'famous secret recipe!'  Phyllis grabbed my elbow and drug me into the kitchen.  I was so excited to be privvy to this secret recipe.  She whispered in my ear and dared me never to tell a soul....her secret recipe was 'Betty Crocker.'  I still didn't get it, so I agreed to keep the secret.  At that moment she opened the cabinet and reached into the garbage can and pulled out a cardboard box of Betty Crocker scalloped potatoes!  This product was very new at that time and I was so impressed because we all thought they were delicious!  I never forgot Phyllis' secret recipe, and oftentimes I have called upon old Betty Cocker to help me out when needed.  Phyllis was so funny like that!  I smile just typing this as I can visualize that moment like it was yesterday. 

Another Phyllis moment that is probably the dearest to me is the time we were at her home on Christmas Eve.  I loved the years when we lived in Raleigh at the same time Tony and Phyllis lived in Raleigh.  That was when Jessie and Bob still travelled and they came to Raleigh for Christmas.  Mom and Dad often came to Raleigh too, so sometimes it was the whole gang.  Anyway, this particular Christmas Eve is filled with two stories worth remembering.
One is that I was pregnant with my first child.  It was December 24th and my due date was December 17th.  Noboby knows that I went to the hospital on a false alarm on the wee hours of the morning of December 23th!  Mom and Dad were visiting but were on their way back to NC to spend Christmas with Martha and the rest of the family.  I don't think I ever told them that we snuck out to the hospital and got sent back on a false alarm 'charge.'  Nowadays, no one would be allowed to go that far past their due date.  Joesph wasn't born until January 3rd...despite Jim's request to the doctors to get him here in time for a tax break!  But I digress....
We were at Tony and Phyllis' for Christmas Eve.  Bob and Jessie were there and Tommy and Ward.  We had a wonderful dinner and everyone was so worried about me.  I guess I looked like I was going to literally burst at any moment!  Jessie was particularly worried, but I really felt fine and I figured I might as well carry on.  So, I went into the kitchen to help Phyllis clean up after dinner.  This comes to the second part of the story and the part I love most.  Phyllis didn't want to put me to any trouble, but with my insistence, she finally said I could help her 'ranch' the dishes!  I questioned the word 'ranch,' and she laughed.  She said that is the way she has always said 'rinse.'  We laughed so hard I thought I truly might actually go into labor right then and there! 
I did, in fact, help Phyllis by 'ranching' the dishes.  From then on I received an annual Christmas card from Tony and Phyllis.  Phyllis always signed the cards (as do I for Jim and myself) and she always made a note that she missed me because she needed someone there with her to 'ranch' the dishes.
I know it doesn't seem as funny in print, but in all my mind, that is the thing I will remember most about Phyllis and I will smile with my memories.  I guess it is important to have a little 'inside joke' with someone you care about.  It is that something that you have to carry around with you forever in memory of that person.  I will always and forever 'ranch' my dishes and remember that Christmas Eve 33 years ago.  Memories are made of this.

I have blogged before about Phyllis' amazing artistic talent.  Thank God she realized she had this talent.  She has left behind a legacy of amazing and beautiful pieces of art that many of us own.  Looking at a Phyllis Hammock original makes one smile.  Knowing the artist makes one laugh out loud!  Phyllis loved life and she wanted her art to provoke smiles and laughter.  The first piece of art we had to hang in our home when we got married was our wedding gift from Tony and Phyllis....an original Phyllis Hammock painting. 
I am a bit of an artist myself, so when I see work as wonderful as Phyllis', I can truly marvel.  I could never do what she did and I know it not only brought joy to her as she created these pieces, but it brought joy to those who have her artwork hanging in their homes.  It makes her immortal in some ways.

Phyllis loved little yippy dogs.  She always had them.  They were white and cute and they looked like they belonged to Phyllis.  I am sorry to say I can't remember their names, but I do think one of them was named Prissy.  I just know Phyllis loved her dogs and I think of them when I think of her.
I also remember that Phyllis had little lights on her indoor schefflera plants.  I thought that was so cool 35 years ago!  Phyllis was an inspiration to me.  She dressed to the hilt and always looked like a model, and her home decor was wonderful and creative.  Sometimes now when we sit on the lania and talk about our plants, Jim will say something about Phyllis and the cute little white lights she always had on her plants!  It is amazing how some things just stick with you.

I know when Phyllis died and Tony planned her memorial service, he said he didn't want any wailing and crying.  He wanted people to remember Phyllis for Phyllis.  As I have said, Phyllis was aways cheerful and upbeat.  I don't think anyone could remember her sad or downtrodden if they tried.  So Tony had it right.  I was sad that I could not get a flight to Little River for the service, but I was happy to learn from Tony that the service was as he had hoped for....no crying and wailing and plenty of stories about Phyllis' deeds, goodwill, and fun.  I know they told the story of Phyllis taking initiative.  One time many years ago, Tony told Phyllis they couldn't afford to buy a new sofa, so Phyllis did what only Phyllis would do....she PAINTED the old sofa to look like she wanted it to look.  No lie.  Tony said the 11 gallons of paint it took to cover the sofa cost more than a new sofa would have cost!  Only Phyllis.
Had I been at the service, I think I would have been compelled to stand up and talk about the moment Phyllis and I cleaned up, me about to explode with an overdue first child, and me learning the art of 'ranching' dishes.

And memories are made of this.



RIP Phyllis Hammock. 

Only Phyllis
(Christmas Eve 1978)

Christmas Eve 1984

Phyllis and her sister Joanne
December 7, 2012

December 2012
Still the Christmas-loving beauty~