Cousins

I looked up the definition of cousin.  Every source I checked basically defined cousin as the child of one's aunt or uncle.  I decided that just wasn't going to cut it.  My cousins are so much more than that.  I guess the Websters or any other dictionary writers just didn't know how to capture the real meaning of cousins.  I hope, for their sakes, they had some wonderful cousins in their lives.

I started this blog as a prodding from my dear friend, Sally.  I was whining to her about realizing that Mom wasn't getting any younger and that one day her home would be sold and all the things in it would have to be dispursed.  I mentioned the crystal punch bowl on Mom's dining room table as an example.  Sally, being a good friend and an objective observer of the situation, simply said:  Go to your Mom's house and take pictures of the punch bowl and other items and write a blog about them! 
I said it when I started this blog and I'll say it again, Sally is a genius!  I think her idea was wonderful and I am so glad she encouraged me.

I guess this blog about cousins strays a bit from the original intention of the blog, but as I go along thinking about these things, it really isn't that far from it. My mom's 'things' and their stories really explain who I am.  My cousins aren't things in my mom's house, but they certainly fit into the molding of who I am.  I think Mom would agree that this topic is certainly 'blog-worthy!'

When Martha died, I remember the long, quiet drive back to Shelby from Myrtle Beach.  It was a Thursday, June 23rd, 2011.  I feel the surrealism of it all just as I type this.  Jim drove Mom and me back to Shelby.  It was hard to believe that I had just sat and held the hand of my only sibling as she slipped away into her eternal life.  One day it may all sink in and make sense, but if I can't figure it out in my lifetime, I'm sure there will be a time when I can make peace with it all.
I don't write all of this to be sad or morbid.  I write it to set a tone.
When we arrived in Shelby and unloaded the car, it still seemed a bit surreal.  Soon after we arrived in Shelby, the back door had a knock on it and we went to open it.  There stood Scott and Beth Porter.  They were a welcomed sight.  As the next hour unfolded, all of my Porter cousins and my Aunt Catherine arrived.  It all started making sense that my cousin, Janet, had called my cell phone a couple of times on the ride home.  She is a good one for getting things organized.
Patty was the only one not there because she lives so far away.  Her brother, Scott, told me he had been in constant contact with her and assured me she was coming as soon as she could get things organized up in Maryland....and she did.  I appreciate her making the long trip down to Shelby.  As one who also lives far away, I know how difficult this can be.
At one point in the evening, Mom left and went to her room to be alone.  As I stood up and went to check on Mom and looked into the family room at all these special people sitting around the room.....some in chairs and some on the floor....I had a moment when I said to myself:  This has got to be the definition of love.
I am not sure my cousins know how blessed I felt at that moment and how much I realized that family is really a powerful thing.

The next day I was talking to Ellen.  I guess I expressed to her how much their presense had meant to me.  She said something to me that really hit home.  She told me that her cousins have always been her 'siblings.'  She is an only child and I guess I didn't relate this concept so much as I did at that moment.  I suddenly had become an only child myself.
My cousins are like my siblings, and now they always will be my 'go to' people.

My cousins haven't just been there for me in sad times like these.  My cousins and I have countless stories and I hope they enjoy relating some of our stories to their kids and grandkids....and just sharing them with each other.  I have always loved my cousin stories as much as any stories I have!

Paul and Margaret moved out to Riverbend from Peach Street in Shelby.  I know I thought it was so cool that they lived out there on the golf course....up on a hill.  It seemed like such a fun place!  And it really was a fun place.  Many of my cousin stories take place at that very house.

Ellen, being the oldest of the Porter cousins, sort of took her younger cousins under her wing.  Her younger little blonde cousins, Nancy, Mary and Patty were there to be 'molded.'  I don't think she ever felt that she had the 'jurisdiction' over Martha and Janet.  They were too close to her age.  But she had three little eager beavers in Nancy, Patty and myself!

I remember having sleepovers at Ellen's house at Riverbend.  Here I thought I was cool because I had asked Santa for a set of electric rollers to make my perfectly straight hair curly when lo and behold I learned from Ellen that straight as a stick hair was "in."  My hair was already straight as a stick, but Ellen had thick hair with a bit of wave in it.
This is when I learned the art of IRONING one's hair to make it straight! 
Granted, I am a bit of a goodie two shoes chicken,  but when Ellen asked us to pull out the ironing board and the iron and help her iron her beautiful long locks, I succumbed.  We put towels on top of her hair to be careful not to scorch it....thank goodness Ellen had done her research!

Speaking of hair, I also remember the hair train.  Usually we sat on the floor oldest to youngest.  You sat cross-legged behind the cousin in front of you and brushed their hair.  Ellen, Nancy, Patty and I all had long hair at that time, and getting your hair brushed felt so good!  I realize now the price you pay for being the youngest....poor Patty never got her hair brushed!  I am pretty sure there were times when Patty wasn't there, so guess who was the youngest who didn't get her hair brushed???

Another moment that happened in that house on the hill in Riverbend was the Bubble Gum Incident.  I don't think I will ever forget it and I'm sure Ellen won't.  Just as recently as a couple of weeks ago, Ellen and I had a little "moment" on facebook about bubble gum.
See, Ellen loved bubble gum.  I guess I should not make this past tense.  Ellen still loves bubble gum!  Anyway, our favorite bubble gum were the individually wrapped purple grape gumballs that you bought in penny candy stores.  You bit on them and they had a small hollow hole in the very middle of them and they turned your mouth purple from all the purple dye to make them look and seem like grape-flavored!  It was Christmas, I think.  She had received from Santa (or more likely, MRS. Santa) a WHOLE box of purple grape gumballs... the kind that they sold in candy stores.  I think a box was something like 280 pieces!  I was over at Ellen's and we were chewing this stuff like there was no tomorrow!  We would pop in a new piece without spitting out the old piece.  We were chomping away, our jaws filled with gum and our teeth purple from what can only be imagined in the dye, when Paul walked in as if he were John Wayne in the newest Western and said:  if I see one more piece of gum go in either of your mouths or any more chomping, I am going to throw away the rest of this box of gum and I will see to it you never get any more! 
Goodie Two Shoes Chicken spit out her gum and didn't dare eat another piece!
Ellen and I joke about the purple bubble gum all the time.  One time in recent years I visited her and took some purple bubble gum to her, but it wasn't the same kind.  I would give anything to find this kind again.  It would bring back a lot of memories.

I also remember some good times when Paul and Margaret moved down the street to their next house at Riverbend.  It was right ON the golf course....not across the street from the clubhouse.  Paul owned a golf cart for just tooling around in.  I thought golf carts were really awesome!  My Daddy used to take me out to Riverbend to play golf.  He 'bribed' me by letting me drive the golf cart!  I tell you....I have some very fond memories of driving my Daddy all around the golf course as he hit some good shots and some not so good shots. He always told me I was his 'good luck charm' whenever he played golf.  I don't know if it was dumb luck or not, but I will just assume that I DID bring him good luck!  If Daddy said I did, then it must be the truth.

One time we were at Paul and Margaret's for some family gathering.  I don't think it was Christmas because it wasn't really cold out.  Scott decided he was going to go out on the golf cart, in spite of the darkness.  He asked me to go along, and although I am goodie two shoes chicken, I wanted to go.  After all, my handsome and very cool cousin asked me to come along! 
Scott is less than a year younger than me, and of all my cousins, he is the closest in age.  Scott was (and is) quite handsome and he was definitely one of the 'cool' kids.  He was only one grade behind me, so in Junior High School, I knew it would be awesome to ride around Riverbend with Scott on a golf cart!  (Yes, besides being a goodie two shoes chicken, I am also a bit of a dork, I suppose!)
I remember to this day how funny it was that Scott pulled out from the back of the golf cart a big battery powered spot light~~he told me it was to shine in the cars of people out there 'parking!'  What a hoot!  There were parts of Riverbend that were notorious 'making out spots' and Scott knew about this and a trick to basically freak out those teenagers doing this. I don't think we actually found any 'parkers' to shine the light on, but the thought of that was just way too funny!

My Uncle Paul always made the Christmas party at his house extra special.  Something not everyone knew about him was his affinity for baking. He made the most awesome cakes....homemade coconut, red velvet, chocolate, German chocolate and pound cakes. I remember one Christmas he made over 20 cakes!  He didn't seem like the cake-baking type......but he was.  I guess that is one reason Ellen is such an amazing baker.

My very favorite Riverbend Cousin story is about the MORB.  I don't know if this impacted my other cousins as much as it did me, but I have never stopped telling this story or remembering it.  I won't be able to do it justice, but here goes.....
One time my cousins were all out at Riverbend at Paul and Margaret's house....their first Riverbend house on the hill.  We were ALL there....including Tommy Propst.  When he was around, he superceded Ellen in the 'oldest cousin' ranking!  Tommy was Madeline and Fred's son, and although he wasn't a Porter-born cousin, he was a Porter cousin just the same!  He was older than us all and he wasn't always involved in all our shenanigans.  However, in this instance, he was.
I truly don't remember the circumstance, the time or anything else.  I just know we were all there.  I also know all the parents were NOT there.  For some reason they were elsewhere.  So, I guess Tommy and Ellen were in charge.  And of course there was Bill....he was an older 'guy' cousin who we have always been able to to count on.
I remember being inside the house and we heard a loud noise in the distance.  It was a haunting noise....RRRMMMMM.  I don't know how to write it, but I have tried to verbally duplicate it whenever telling the story!
We all looked at each other and went about our business.  Then we heard it again.  And again.  Finally the older ones decided to be brave and go outside on the driveway.  We continually heard the sound.  All the rest of us slowly went out to the driveway until finally we were all out there.  We heard it again and again.  It was so scary!  I remember discussions of calling the police, etc.  I want to say someone did, but I am afraid I am embellishing the story too much.
Needless to say, Miss Goodie Two Shoes Chicken was scared out of her wits!
I don't recall how the rest of the story played out, but I remember Bill saying:  "well it's the MORB.....the Monster of RiverBend!"  I didn't faint, so I must have screamed! (I have been known to scream from time to time.....)
The MORB haunts me to this day.

I am not sure the mystery was ever solved, but I think our parents finally figured out that the noise was some cows mooing way off in the distance and the sound over the river and the hills was distorted to sound like RRRMMMMMM!
I am pretty sure even the older cousins were truly scared.  They may 'fess up' now and say they knew they were cows all along, but I will never believe them. I think they were scared along with the rest of us chickens!  They just had to put on their brave faces.

My cousins are really too much.  Nancy made a beautiful cake for Madeline's first birthday.  Patty had a personalized stool made for Madeline when she was born.  Janet kept my boys when I was dealing with my Dad in the hospitial the night he died.  Ellen smocked a dress for Madeline's portrait and Scott makes my Mom laugh.  Bill helped Paul out a lot and shares his wife, Susan, as a huge help to us when we need her.  Janet is always organizing the cousins and thinks of such special and thoughtful ideas when the rest of us don't.  Patty used to share her popsicles with me when her Mom divided the groceries between Patty and Scott to keep arguments at bay.  Nancy and Eddie helped try to do some matchmaking for me when we were in high school.  Janet shares her beautiful singing voice with us at such special times.  Ellen remembers everyone's birthday and anniversary and cares about preserving our family's heritage.  Patty makes jello and sends Pandora charms at the most meaningful times.  Bill speaks eloquently and prays amazing blessings.  Tommy Propst teased me to no end and is responsible for my first game of 52 card pick up (yes, I've been gullible all my life!)  Bill organized an impromptu dinner when Mom was moving to Florida and Nancy always opens her home for any family gathering.  Scott reminds us all of our daddies...he has that 'Porter way' about him.  Ellen makes us all laugh.  And cry.
I am not sure what I bring to the bunch, but I know I have always been a great mark for teasing.  Paul always called me either Freckles or Dimples, and I loved it every time he said it!
We all miss Martha and her contributions will forever be remembered.  May she rest in peace and may her memory live on in the cousins' book of stories!  We all feel the loss of the first of our cousins to leave this world.

Cousins aren't just the children of one's aunt or uncle.  Cousins come together for weddings and funerals.  They 'have your back' and brush your hair.  Cousins give great gifts and do matchmaking for you.  Cousins act as your siblings whether you actually have siblings or not.  They laugh with you and cry with you.  They know your past and look forward to your future.  They share meals with you.  Cousins can be themselves around each other....no need to stand on ceremony.  They share their toys and give you their popsicles.  They understand what you are talking about when you want to talk about your aging parents....one of them has surely "been there, done that."  Cousins are from your generation.  They know your story. They are your family.

And memories are made of this.