Christmas

Even though it is 89 degrees and sunny right now, I had a thought about Christmas.  I love Christmas and everyone knows it!  I have a wooden plaque on my kitchen wall that says "Is it Christmas Yet?"  It stays up all year long.  I honestly don't remember who gave it to me, but someone knows me well.  I often view time in its relationship to the Christmas season.

Lately, it almost seems like once school starts back in the Fall, merchants start gearing up for Christmas.  I know it is not uncommon to see Christmas things in craft stores.  That I can tolerate.  As a crafter myself, I know that in order to get gifts and decorations completed by Christmas, you really do need to start early.  Or you can do like I seem to do more and more.....procrastinate and then have late night craft sessions trying to get everything completed!  I am pleased to say that throughout this year, I have made a few things for the holidays.  However, I am in the process of cleaning out and rearranging my craft room....what a chore!  That is just a reminder of all the things I have purchased and planned that I have yet to start on.  I guess I'd better get busy.
But as much as I love Christmas, I also love Fall, Halloween, and Thanksgiving.  I truly like to savor those times before I start planning for Christmas.  I wish that stores would wait a little bit longer before putting out their Christmas wares.  I know that retailers need to start selling things early, but I always feel like it goes from Back to School to Christmas with all those wonderful things in between getting the short shift.  Oh well.  At least at home I can enjoy and embrace each holiday in its own time.

I grew up in Shelby, North Carolina.  The holidays were calm and peaceful....just as the decorations were calm and peaceful.  Most houses had single white candle lights in each window and a wreath on the front door with a spotlight shining on it.  It is lovely, but as I grew older, I saw that other places decorated in different ways.  I think I love living in Florida because most people here are "from" somewhere else.  Thus, there is an ecclectic display of Christmas decorations!  Whenever we see a house decorated with colored lights...the big screw-in bulb type...Jim calls them "New Jersey Lights."  I guess that is what he grew up with in New Jersey.  Now we have compromised.  We put lights outside on our trees and bushes.  I love  them.  Some of the lights are colored, but they are the smaller twinkle type lights.  We also have animated deer in our front yard.  They twinkle with little white lights.  Their heads move and I think they are sweet and peaceful.  We have wreaths on the front porch and Jim decorates our sago palm with green lights on the fronds and white lights on the trunk.  It is very cool looking and I love it that I have managed to get him motivated from Bah Humbug to a man who is proud of his Christmas yard decorations!  I guess giving in to some colored lights and artistic license did the trick.  I do draw the line at the huge blow up characters that Jim wants to put in our front yard so badly!

I loved growing up in a family that made Christmas special.  I think my dad had the Christmas bug more than my mom.  I always feel like I take after him in that regard.  There were only two things I can think of that weren't enjoyable for my Dad at Christmas.  One was taking photographs.  He may very well have been the world's worst photographer, yet he loved having pictures of all occasions.  He always had a time with the flashbulbs that we had to use on each type of camera we had.  I actually remember the cameras with the big rounded chrome dome where a little flash bulb was attached.  From that we graduated to a Kodak Instamatic Camera that had those cute little flashcubes.  It didn't matter.  He seemed to always have either an unwanted flash or no flash when he needed it.  Or the bulbs he put in would be burned out.  That's because when he took out old bulbs, he probably threw them back into the bag rather than in the trash can!  Along the same line, the strings of Christmas lights we put on our tree always gave him a fit.  That is the second thing my dad didn't love about Christmas.  Back then it seemed the strands of lights got tangled easier and it seemed the burnt out bulbs were harder to find.  Either that or I have became more tolerant and patient about those things than Daddy was. 
In spite of his frustration with these things, the worst thing Daddy ever did was say "dadgummit" or become quiet and tight-lipped.  I never saw him get really angry nor did I see these things do too much to put a damper on his holiday spirit.

(I can picture Daddy with this camera!)

Mom stopped decorating for Christmas several years ago.  A nice thing is that she gave me a lot of her Christmas decorations.  Because of that, every year when I put out my decorations I think of her.  I plan to pass some of these down to my children, but I am not ready to stop decorating my own house just yet!

(Mom's old Nativity)



One of my favorite Christmas decorations I use every year is a set of the 3 Wise Men.  I put them on a side table in my dining room.  They are gold and handmade.  I remember Mom bought them at a church bazaar when I was a kid.  Even though they are made of paper mache and cardboard, they have stood the test of time and still look wonderful.  Each year as I unpack them, I have to do some minor adjustments to the gifts the magi are bearing, but other than that, they look just as good as they did the day she bought them.

(The Wise Men)



This just brings to mind the Christmas trees Martha and I used to make out of old Reader's Digests.  We folded each page in a certain way and when they were all folded, the book would stand up and we would fan it out to look like a Christmas tree.  We would then spray paint these trees and sometimes add decorations.  Oftentimes we would just leave the decorations off except for maybe a star on top.  I am going to see if Madeline wants to sit with me one evening and make one of these trees.  It will certainly take me way back to my childhood!

Martha and I used to also make orange pomanders.  We took fresh juicy oranges and covered them with whole cloves.  Then we tied  ribbons on them so that we could hang them up.  They made the room smell so yummy!  I remember my fingers would be so sore and cut from pushing those pesty little cloves into the orange.  Sometimes they were really hard to poke in, especially if the peel of the orange was thick.

I have so many Christmas memories from my growing up years that it would be impossible to mention them all.  I guess there will always be some highlights....most of them wonderful memories, but a few not so wonderful ones.

The worst Christmas memory was the first Christmas Jim and I were married.  It was joyous in many ways, mainly because I was spending my first Christmas with my new husband and it felt so different and so special.  It was Jim's first Christmas away from his family and home in New Jersey.  I know it felt weird for him, but he was willing to go to Shelby and spend Christmas there with me and my family.  He's a good guy like that.
We had spent the week before Christmas up in New Jersey.  Unfortunately, Jim's Dad was very sick with melanoma cancer.  He had presided as Jim's best man in our wedding in May, but by Christmas-time he had gone down hill fast.  I guess melanoma was much more deadly 36 years ago than it is today.  Thank goodness for modern medicine.
Anyway, we drove back to Burlington on December 22 or 23 to check on our own home, re-pack and then drive to Shelby the next day to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with my family.  We were hoping to have a nice time, despite leaving behind a sad situation in New Jersey.
That Christmas morning we were at Mom and Dad's opening our gifts when we got that dreaded call that Jim's Dad had just passed away.  I guess I will never realize how devastating that was to the young man who was now my husband, spending his first Christmas away from home and who just learned that his Dad had passed away.  My heart went out to him then, but it goes out even more now that I have experienced great loss like that myself.  I don't think I quite had the grasp on how horrible this must have been for him.

We try to not let that sad memory color the mood of our Christmases.  I think Jim still gets up really early on Christmas morning to reflect on that, but then we set forth to have a wonderful day together with our family.  And Jim will always have his own warm memories of family Christmases in New Jersey growing up with his Mom and Dad and 5 siblings.  I imagine Christmas morning at their house was a lot more bustling than at mine!

I know that as kids, we always asked Santa for a gift.  I think from the moment I knew anything, I asked for a doll.  And every year I got a doll.  I didn't care about asking for anything else, although I loved getting puzzles and coloring books and games and candy and all the other wonderful things that Santa brought.  But no matter what it was.....even a big gift like a bike.....it paled in comparison to the doll that I got that year.

Honestly, I could be happy getting dolls to this day!  That is probably why Madeline has a lovely and extensive doll collection.  I never could get rid of that idea of getting a special doll each Christmas. 

When Jimmy was two, he got a doll from Santa.  It was a Cabbage Patch Doll.  Each of those dolls came complete with a birth certificate.  Jimmy's doll was named Cedric Louie.  He really did carry that thing around for a while.  He might not want to own up to that now, but I am sure I could dig out an old photo or two to prove it!

(Martha and me with my ever-present doll!)

I honestly don't remember what Martha asked for each year.  I know she enjoyed getting clothes and jewelry more than I did.  I guess some things never change!  I know whatever she got she probably shared with me.  She was not selfish and we always enjoyed sharing our toys and playing games.
I miss Martha so much.  I thank God every day that I was blessed with the best big sister for 55 years of my life.

One Christmas Eve Martha decided to sleep in my room with me.  I think we thought that it would be more exciting to wake up together.  We never went downstairs to see what Santa brought unless we were together.
My room had twin beds so that is why we chose to sleep in my room rather than hers.  She never did care to share a bed with me.  She always said I wiggled and kicked her.  She might be right, although I don't think it was as bad as she made it seem!
On that particular Christmas morning I woke up first and ran to the window to look out.  It was snowing like crazy and I got so excited!  I woke Martha up and said, "Look!  It's snowing!"  Martha's sleepy response to me was, "I don't care about the snow.  Let's go down and see what Santa brought!"  I don't know a Christmas after that when we didn't laugh and talk about that story.  It probably got embellished through the years, but I can picture the moment so vividly in my mind it could have happened yesterday.



I know that we always had traditions in our family that never changed.  I actually don't know when they did change, but I know it wasn't until after I was married.  I think family traditions are really such blessings to be enjoyed and to be passed along.
Mom and Dad managed to work out a wonderful way to spend Christmas with each of their families.  I grew to love these traditions and I looked forward to them with such anticipation each year.
On Christmas Eve, immediately following the candlelight service at our respective churches, all of the Porter families got together for a dinner and gift exchange.  I have expressed often the fondness I have for my Porter cousins, and this is just one of the many memories I have of them all.
We gathered at one of our homes...our parents had a rotation list figured out.  The host family provided the meat and the table setting, etc.  Everyone brought a dish, organized by the host.  Even though it was probably one of the best meals ever, it was often wasted on me since I was always so anxious to get to the gift exchange and the play time with my cousins!  My aunt Madeline was a wonderful cook and always made something delicious, but her signature item to bring to family gatherings was iced tea.  She had some secret formula that I have yet to duplicate exactly.  It hasn't been from lack of trying.  I know she brewed iced tea, added sugar (of course....we are Southerners!), orange juice, pineapple juice, and I think some lemon juice or lemonade.  It was so good.  I could use a glass right now.  My aunt Katherine made melt-in-your-mouth yeast rolls and my other aunt Kathryn made blonde brownies.  I still think they are my favorite desert of all time!  I have the recipe and I make them on occasion.  My aunt Margaret made these brownies too, along with some other delicious dishes.   Uncle Paul made homemade cakes, and Madeline and Catherine made casseroles, peanut slaw and other yummy things.  I have asked Mom several times what was her specialty item to bring to these events and she always says she didn't have a specialty and can't remember what she did take!  She is a funny lady...especially when she talks about cooking and food.
We gave gifts according to a name-drawing we did in the Fall.  Each adult couple drew a name of another couple, and each cousin drew a name.  Not only was getting the gift fun, but seeing who had your name was part of the fun too!  We tried to keep it a secret.  I think most people did a pretty good job of this.

One Christmas Eve when I was about 14, we were at Jim and Catherine's house.  I can picture everyone gathered in their family room after dinner when my Uncle Jim gave his daughter, Nancy, a gift.  She opened it and if I rmember correctly, it was a can of motor oil.  This led to the surprise of her new car that was out front!  I know Nancy was so surprised and thrilled and I thought it was so amazing that she was getting a car.  I also thought her Dad's way of presenting it was very clever.  I think that the car keys might have been taped to the bottom of the motor oil can or something. 
Sometimes extra special things like this happened at our family gatherings! 

As I said, my parents did a good job of managing to spend Christmas with each of their families.  On Christmas Day, we had a similar lunch and gift exchange with the Humphries clan.  Our group wasn't quite as big, but it was equally fun!  I always felt spoiled after this party because we didn't draw names.  Each family bought gifts for all the "kids."  I don't remember if the adults even exchanged gifts, but I know I came away from that party with 4 or 5 gifts!  It was truly a fun time.
I think Mom and Jessie took turns hosting the party.   Jessie always did things in ways that seemed so special to me.  I know Mom did special things too, but the fact that it was my Mom in my home, they didn't seem so out of the ordinary or as much of a surprise.  My other cousins loved to come to my house and I loved having them.  I just know that going to Jessie's was a treat for me.  Jessie had a special punch bowl that she used just for us kids.  She would concoct some yummy type of punch with an ice ring floating in it and we would drink cup after cup of this punch.  When Jessie no longer thought she needed the punch bowl, she gave it to me.  I still use it!  I always used it for my kids' birthday parties and I use it when I host my annual Christmas brunch.  I have other punch bowls, but when I pull this one out it always brings a smile to my face.  It isn't fancy or expensive.  When I fill it with punch (and yes, I always make an ice ring) it also seems as if I am filling it with memories.

I love that I always got to spend the Christmas holidays with ALL of my relatives.  I know families today are not as fortunate as my family was in being able to juggle two families and fit in everyone and everything.  It was truly the two best days of my year!

My cousin Patty is my younger cousin.  I have many Christmas memories with her as well.  I don't think my cousins and I had much concern about age differences.  We just enjoyed being together.  Patty is only a few years younger than me, but when you are little it can seem like a lot.  For us, it didn't seem to matter.

I made a huge scrapbook for Mom for her 80th birthday.  I gathered bits and pieces of things from other people and from my own archives and created a collection of things for my Mom to enjoy.  I remember Patty sent me a picture of the two of us with a note written to Mom.  I put the picture and the note in the scrapbook.  The picture is really funny.  It is in black and white, but I remember it all very vividly!  Patty was at my house playing one day near Christmas and we decided to dress up.  I played Santa and she played my little elf.  I put on my red and white striped flannel pajamas and stuffed myself with pillows.  I borrowed one of my dad's black belts and put that around my waist.  Then we got cotton balls and GLUED them on my face to create a mustache and beard!  I looked ridiculous, but in my best Christmas spirit created a deep and hearty 'Ho Ho Ho'!  Patty, shorter and sweeter looking, put on tights and a jagged edge elf top that someone had made.  It was green.  She wore a red turtleneck under it and had a pointy hat.  She was the cutest little elf you've ever seen!  Patty wrote to my mom on her 80th birthday that she had so many fond memories of playing at our house on Ridgeveiw Drive and included this picture.  It meant a lot to Mom....and to me.  Patty was, and still is, such a little sweetheart.  She is easy to love.

I also remember a very special Christmas memory with Patty.  I always amuse myself with this one because I know that I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, in spite of my passion for music.  Patty and I some way, somehow ended up putting on a little show for a group of elderly women.  My great aunt Tommie was involved in this group and this is how Patty and I came to present the program.  We were young at the time, but I was just shy of being old enough to be totally embarrassed!  I guess I got caught up in the spirit of the season.  I don't remember all of the circumstances, but I do remember Patty and I singing....just the two of us.....for these women!  I don't remember all the songs we sang, but I do remember one of them was "The Little Drummer Boy."  I guess these ladies didn't worry so much about our voices and found us just cute enough to pass for a decent Christmas program.  I know we left there with pink cheeks from all the little love pinches these ladies bestowed upon us!

I don't know how Patty feels about her singing voice today, but I know that was a once in a lifetime "concert" from this voice!

Some traditions have changed and some have remained.  Families are scattered and harder to get together.  But I know the spirit of Christmas lives, and there is not a Christmas Eve that I stand in church and hold my candle and sing "Silent Night" that I don't have a myriad of memories running through my head.  I think the Christmas season is such a time of reflection about the past and a hope for the future.

I have learned so much from the people and events of my past and I hope to continue to create memories for my friends and family members in the future.

It might be with a gift, a homemade craft, a certain decoration, a meal, a cake, blonde brownines or a bridge luncheon.  It might be donating money or toys for the underprivileged or serving at a mission in Wimauma with a group from church.  It might be laughing at the cat while he gets into the wrapping paper or calling your son who can't make it home for the holidays.  It might be shedding a tear remembering those loved ones who are no longer with us or laughing at a memory of tangled light bulbs or sprinkling reindeer food on the front lawn.  It might be watching your little boy dress up in his new football uniform from Grandma on Christmas morning or staying up all night playing Santa.  Maybe it is in addressing Christmas cards or shopping and fighting the crowds.  Perhaps it is the anticipation of putting on the new outfit you got just to wear to a Christmas party or the new nightgown you plan to wear on Christmas Eve.  Maybe it is that inexplainable joy when it actually snows on Christmas or hearing your favorite Christmas song.  It might be that lump in your chest or that tear in your eye when you stand in church and hear the congregation sing "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful," or it might be singing off key at the top of your lungs "Joy to the World" because you just don't care as you are caught up in the shear joy of the moment.  Maybe it is a sad memory of a day long ago when you received bad news and you just can't shake it until you hear the laughter of your children down the hallway.  Maybe it's an "argument" about how tacky the decorations can be or maybe it's the pride you have when you place those candles in your windows.  It could be an elf costume, a box of purple bubble gum or a new doll that wets and says 'mama.'  It could be a crackling fire in the fireplace or the smell of cakes baking in the oven.  It could be in the hot chocolate with little marshmellows or in the friendly banter between brothers as they compete with their latest video game that Santa brought. 
Or maybe it's just a simple plaque on your wall that is a daily reminder:  Is it Christmas yet?

All I know is that memories are made of this.

Christmas gathering at Ellen's

Our Christmas Tree

Leo is being nosy!

Madeline, Jimmy and Joseph in Shelby at Christmas time

Madeline's little dance ornament tree....a new tradition

Beautiful tree at the Yelton's

Nativity Scene purchased at church craft show
(bought because of coercion from a dear friend)

Porter and Madeline:  Santa's Elves



Next Generation Cousins

I recently wrote a blog about my cousins.  The comments I received from those cousins as well as other blog readers made me go back and re-read the blog several times.  I love how each individual reacted to the blog in so many different ways! 
The reactions led me to think about my own children and their cousins.  Cousins create a truly special type of relationship.  They aren't the same as siblings, but they are close.  They don't live in the same household, but their parents' did.  It is a different relationship than that of friends by the fact that cousins are relatives and because of that, they spend of lot special time together.  They are around for special events, holidays, and anything that involves family.

My children are blessed with a lot of cousins.  I married a man who is one of 6 siblings, so that creates a lot of cousins!  Interestingly, Jim's two sisters each have one boy and one girl, whereas Jim and two of his brothers each have two boys and one girl!  Johnny, Jim's youngest sibling, has one child, a beautiful little girl.  Up until Adrianna was born, Madeline was the baby of the family!  There is an age gap between Madeline and Adrianna, and there is also a distance gap.  Unfortunately, my children don't know Adrianna well.  Some things cannot be controlled, but maybe one day there will be more opportunities for not only my children, but Jim and myself as well, to get to know this youngest member of the Fitzpatrick clan a bit better!

Jim's six siblings span 20 years from the oldest to the youngest!  Therefore, throughout time, some cousins were closer than others.  Not only is the age span wide, but so is the distance span.  Jim's siblings currently reside in California, Arizona, New Jersey, North Carolina, and Florida.  That covers a huge part of the country!  Expand that further, and our nieces and nephews, (our children's cousins), are even more spread out!  There has also been a lot of moving around of these cousins so getting everyone together at one time is a huge feat!

From time to time, the various cousins have all had experiences together and will always have tales to tell.  I know that any time my children got to see and spend time with any of their Fitzpatrick cousins, it was a good time!  I think the new age of Facebook has helped them all reconnect and find out what is going on in each other's lives.  I think this is one of the best things about Facebook and probably one of its main intentions.  I know I love reading the posts from my nieces and nephews and their children.  I love seeing pictures of them and watching them grow.  It is the next best thing to seeing them in person!  They are all wonderful people and there are so many varied interests among them.  Something will spark a connection between two or more cousins and they get to share and reminisce.  They will always have their stories to tell also.

Since this blog really started about Mom, her home, her things and the stories behind them, I wanted to focus this blog on the next generation of cousins that relate to Mom.  Basically, this is my children and Porter.  Unlike the Fitzpatrick clan, this side of our family really isn't very big.  Some families really are shrinking.

There is an age difference between Porter and my children, but nonetheless, they have managed to do things and they have their stories to tell.  Needless to say, Joseph and Jimmy have fewer stories to tell about Porter than Madeline, but they definitely have their share.  I have always tried to keep the family close-knit, and Martha and I never lost touch during her lifetime.  We always knew what each other was doing and what was going on in each of our lives.  We tried to get together and be together as often as time would allow.  Having children makes you busier than ever, but after Porter was born, Martha made even more effort to spend time with me and my family.  I think she was trying to help create memories and stories for Porter.  She knew the importance of cousins and family ties.  I am glad Martha set the tone for this because we never plan to lose that connection.  Actually, it is out of our hands anyway.  The bond has been formed between the cousins and they are old enough to carry on and create their own memories.  I love to be included, but I also love that they take the initiative to do things on their own.

Madeline and Porter are exceptionally close, despite the 6 year age difference.  I have lots and lots of stories involving them.  But I also have a few good stories of my boys and Porter.

I remember when we all met Porter for the first time.  It was Christmas and he was one month old.  Something snapped in my husband that Christmas and he got me a little kitten, Peabo!  Peabo was tiny and new and we were leaving the day after we got him to drive to Shelby for Christmas and to meet little Porter.  We decided we had to take Peabo because it was so last minute and we didn't have anyone to watch him.  I was stressed out because Mom is not fond of "creatures" in her home and I was especially nervous because we were going to meet the newest little member of our family.  I didn't want to worry about the kitten bothering him.  Peabo (and I) survived the visit, and Mom was such a good sport about it.  I think having Porter to dote on helped ease the fact that a little tiny kitten was living in her laundry room temporarily.  I worked hard to keep the baby kitten away from the baby Porter!
I remember Joseph and Jimmy loving the little kitten and fascinated with their new cousin! It had been 6 years since they experienced having a baby around....their little sister, Madeline.  I think Porter has always had a special affection for Peabo, our 16 year old cat.  In some cosmic way, they formed a connection.  That Christmas was a Christmas of firsts.

Martha couldn't have been prouder of her new little son and we were all thrilled to have a new addition to the family.  There is nothing like a baby to bring joy to a family!  Everyone wanted to hold Porter, and although Martha was nervous, Joseph and Jimmy were "pros" at holding and feeding babies.  They were so enamored with Madeline when she first came into our home.  Martha relented and let them have their turns holding and loving on their little baby cousin.

The admiration grew.  I recently told Porter about a time when we all went to their house at Lake Lure.  Jimmy was trying to teach Porter to fish and he also spent time with him in inner tubes in the water.  I think it was one of those moments when Porter enjoyed having an older boy around....he was used to all us old people and of course, his special girl cousin, Madeline!
After a day of swimming, fishing, and boating, we were on the deck awaiting dinner....one of Bob's famous grilled hamburgers. 
There was a porch swing and Jimmy was swinging on it...hands behind his head and legs stretched out.  Porter climbed up beside him and put his hands behind his head and stretched his legs out.  He quietly looked over at Jimmy and they just enjoyed the quiet dusk at the lake and the swinging in the porch swing.  Monkey see, monkey do.  In my eyes, it was a truly precious sight.

Porter liked music and always wanted to "perform."  He was often picking up objects and using them as microphones.  He would sing along with all kinds of music, particularly country.  Although Joseph didn't necessarily like country music, he has always appreciated and loved music in general.  I think he got the biggest kick out of watching Porter get into the music like he did.

Speaking of music, I am sure Porter will never cease hearing either Mom, Madeline or me reminding him of the time he stood on Mom's front steps with his "microphone," a police billy club (that for some reason Mom always had in a drawer by her bed).  He was singing a song he made up as he went.  The lyrics went something like this:  "I love Madeline, she is so  beautiful.  She is my cousin and I love her so much.  She is so very beautiful."  This went on and on for some time and his little voice was so sweet and so sincere.  I am sure he doesn't do this any more, but I do believe he loves Madeline and thinks she is so beautiful!  They definitely have a wonderful cousin relationship.

Along the same vein, Porter would visit us in Florida and stand on my hearth and use a real microphone that I have and sing along to my CDs.  He loved an audience, and I am pretty sure he thought he was a good singer!  I know now he knows otherwise....(ha ha!).  I remember a Melissa Manchester CD I had that he would sing along with.  He has come a long way from that to Nicki Minaj!

Porter loves to come to my house for Thanksgiving.  I love that he has created this lovely tradition.  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times of the year, and we always have such a wonderful time.  The "kids" all think I'm crazy because I come up with all sorts of arts and crafts and games to play, but I know they love it....even if they tease me unmercifully for it!  It's okay, because I have always been teased.  I think I'm just the tease-able type.  Paul Porter was a pro....he teased me all the time and called me Dimples and Freckles.  I was also very gullible!
We like to participate in the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.  It means getting up at an ungodly hour, but it is a nice way to kick off the holiday.  The sea of people that participate is indescribable.  I walk along with the moms and kids and make no pretense to try to go fast or win.  Porter, on the other hand, is on a mission to beat Eric, Madeline's fiance, in the 5K run.  He comes within minutes and each year he closes the gap more.  The day is going to come when Porter puts Eric in his place!  I love it that Porter likes to join us in this Thanksgiving tradition.
This past year, I took a step out of the kitchen and let Porter make the macaroni and cheese and Madeline made the stuffing.  They did a tremendous job and I recently asked them if they wanted to make this a tradition.  They both said yes, so I like knowing I'll have a little help in the kitchen from now on!

I wrote about the bubble gum incident that I shared with my cousin, Ellen.  She reminded me that she blew a bubble bigger than her head and it popped and she spent days getting the gum out of her beautiful long hair.  Oh law.
The bubble gum and candy sweet-tooth doesn't skip a generation!  Porter, Madeline and Jimmy have it to a fault.  I don't think Joseph joins them in this, and I view that as a good thing!  They are all candy fanatics and they always want to buy candy when they are together.  No one sees an age difference when the three of them get together to buy and eat candy.  It is a disgusting display and they all act like little children!  I actually don't mind it because I miss the days of having little kids around.  It is hard to believe that Porter is almost 17.  There are no little kids in our family anymore.
I have asked them all not to grow up because I never want to lose the childlike innocence they display when they are together eating candy, playing games, or going on scavenger hunts.
I love my kids so much, and I love Porter like he was one of my kids.  I must say, they help keep me young....even though my "kids" are 32, 29, and 23!

I guess  there is an unspoken pecking order in families.  Joseph is the oldest and will always be viewed as that special first born child.  He has some wonderful memories of his Aunt Martha.  She was so happy to become an aunt, just as I was when Porter was born.  I suppose there is an "aunt blog" inside me somewhere!  I think Joseph has some significant fond memories of his Aunt Martha taking him to Chuckie Cheese, McDonald's, and the park.  Just as Joseph is the oldest, Porter will always be the youngest.
I only wish Joe Porter was around to experience the joy of 4 grandchildren.  When he passed away, he had 2 grandsons and he was the proudest grandfather on the planet.  I know he is beaming in heaven as he knows that he now has 4 grandchildren who are always creating wonderful cousin memories.  I think family is all that really mattered to him, to me, and to my cousins.  We are blessed that we were all raised to see the beauty and the bond in family.

Porter and Madeline have so many memories that range from The Candy Kitchen to tacky tee shirt stores in Myrtle Beach.  They took "prom" pictures at Hamburger Joe's as Madeline hoisted an almost 6 foot tall Porter up on her shoulders.
They laugh until they cry and Porter makes us all happy because he laughs and giggles at everything.  Sometimes Madeline and I feel like we must be the funniest people on the planet!
Jimmy and Joseph grew taller than their Dad....which made him happy....and almost reached 6 feet tall.  Their "little" cousin, Porter, towers over them!  Despite the size difference or the age difference the family resemblance is incredible.  When they are all together, there is no doubt they are related.

I hope that in the future Madeline, Porter, Jimmy and Joseph will all sit around and talk about their memories and tell the stories of the experiences they had as cousins.
I know the love and the family bond is there.  They don't have the luxury of living in the same town and going to the same schools as I had with my cousins, but I know that time, age and distance cannot break that bond that is the cousin-bond. 
The best thing about these cousins is that their story is just beginning!  They have a lifetime to add to the memories and create new stories to tell.

And memories are made of this.



Cousinly Love

Oh Yeah!

Jimmy and Porter
(before Porter outgrew Jimmy!)

PEABO!

Cousins at Barefoot Landing

Always smiling!

Beach Bums

Chillin' to the music

"Prom" pose at Hamburger Joe's

Porter and Madeline just hanging out with Peabo

On our way to the Turkey Trot

Porter, Madeline and Jimmy

Silliness

Porter's Birthday

Getting ready to trot!

Thanksgiving Chefs

Big Mouths



I love my cousin.

Kortney's Wedding

Lindsey is a teaser

At the Sponge Docks

Ah.....memories

At Palm Pavilion

I love Nicki.

Two Beauties

He'll always be my little cousin.

Cousins....the next Generation (scanner acting up....more pictures to follow.....including Joseph!)



Cousins

I looked up the definition of cousin.  Every source I checked basically defined cousin as the child of one's aunt or uncle.  I decided that just wasn't going to cut it.  My cousins are so much more than that.  I guess the Websters or any other dictionary writers just didn't know how to capture the real meaning of cousins.  I hope, for their sakes, they had some wonderful cousins in their lives.

I started this blog as a prodding from my dear friend, Sally.  I was whining to her about realizing that Mom wasn't getting any younger and that one day her home would be sold and all the things in it would have to be dispursed.  I mentioned the crystal punch bowl on Mom's dining room table as an example.  Sally, being a good friend and an objective observer of the situation, simply said:  Go to your Mom's house and take pictures of the punch bowl and other items and write a blog about them! 
I said it when I started this blog and I'll say it again, Sally is a genius!  I think her idea was wonderful and I am so glad she encouraged me.

I guess this blog about cousins strays a bit from the original intention of the blog, but as I go along thinking about these things, it really isn't that far from it. My mom's 'things' and their stories really explain who I am.  My cousins aren't things in my mom's house, but they certainly fit into the molding of who I am.  I think Mom would agree that this topic is certainly 'blog-worthy!'

When Martha died, I remember the long, quiet drive back to Shelby from Myrtle Beach.  It was a Thursday, June 23rd, 2011.  I feel the surrealism of it all just as I type this.  Jim drove Mom and me back to Shelby.  It was hard to believe that I had just sat and held the hand of my only sibling as she slipped away into her eternal life.  One day it may all sink in and make sense, but if I can't figure it out in my lifetime, I'm sure there will be a time when I can make peace with it all.
I don't write all of this to be sad or morbid.  I write it to set a tone.
When we arrived in Shelby and unloaded the car, it still seemed a bit surreal.  Soon after we arrived in Shelby, the back door had a knock on it and we went to open it.  There stood Scott and Beth Porter.  They were a welcomed sight.  As the next hour unfolded, all of my Porter cousins and my Aunt Catherine arrived.  It all started making sense that my cousin, Janet, had called my cell phone a couple of times on the ride home.  She is a good one for getting things organized.
Patty was the only one not there because she lives so far away.  Her brother, Scott, told me he had been in constant contact with her and assured me she was coming as soon as she could get things organized up in Maryland....and she did.  I appreciate her making the long trip down to Shelby.  As one who also lives far away, I know how difficult this can be.
At one point in the evening, Mom left and went to her room to be alone.  As I stood up and went to check on Mom and looked into the family room at all these special people sitting around the room.....some in chairs and some on the floor....I had a moment when I said to myself:  This has got to be the definition of love.
I am not sure my cousins know how blessed I felt at that moment and how much I realized that family is really a powerful thing.

The next day I was talking to Ellen.  I guess I expressed to her how much their presense had meant to me.  She said something to me that really hit home.  She told me that her cousins have always been her 'siblings.'  She is an only child and I guess I didn't relate this concept so much as I did at that moment.  I suddenly had become an only child myself.
My cousins are like my siblings, and now they always will be my 'go to' people.

My cousins haven't just been there for me in sad times like these.  My cousins and I have countless stories and I hope they enjoy relating some of our stories to their kids and grandkids....and just sharing them with each other.  I have always loved my cousin stories as much as any stories I have!

Paul and Margaret moved out to Riverbend from Peach Street in Shelby.  I know I thought it was so cool that they lived out there on the golf course....up on a hill.  It seemed like such a fun place!  And it really was a fun place.  Many of my cousin stories take place at that very house.

Ellen, being the oldest of the Porter cousins, sort of took her younger cousins under her wing.  Her younger little blonde cousins, Nancy, Mary and Patty were there to be 'molded.'  I don't think she ever felt that she had the 'jurisdiction' over Martha and Janet.  They were too close to her age.  But she had three little eager beavers in Nancy, Patty and myself!

I remember having sleepovers at Ellen's house at Riverbend.  Here I thought I was cool because I had asked Santa for a set of electric rollers to make my perfectly straight hair curly when lo and behold I learned from Ellen that straight as a stick hair was "in."  My hair was already straight as a stick, but Ellen had thick hair with a bit of wave in it.
This is when I learned the art of IRONING one's hair to make it straight! 
Granted, I am a bit of a goodie two shoes chicken,  but when Ellen asked us to pull out the ironing board and the iron and help her iron her beautiful long locks, I succumbed.  We put towels on top of her hair to be careful not to scorch it....thank goodness Ellen had done her research!

Speaking of hair, I also remember the hair train.  Usually we sat on the floor oldest to youngest.  You sat cross-legged behind the cousin in front of you and brushed their hair.  Ellen, Nancy, Patty and I all had long hair at that time, and getting your hair brushed felt so good!  I realize now the price you pay for being the youngest....poor Patty never got her hair brushed!  I am pretty sure there were times when Patty wasn't there, so guess who was the youngest who didn't get her hair brushed???

Another moment that happened in that house on the hill in Riverbend was the Bubble Gum Incident.  I don't think I will ever forget it and I'm sure Ellen won't.  Just as recently as a couple of weeks ago, Ellen and I had a little "moment" on facebook about bubble gum.
See, Ellen loved bubble gum.  I guess I should not make this past tense.  Ellen still loves bubble gum!  Anyway, our favorite bubble gum were the individually wrapped purple grape gumballs that you bought in penny candy stores.  You bit on them and they had a small hollow hole in the very middle of them and they turned your mouth purple from all the purple dye to make them look and seem like grape-flavored!  It was Christmas, I think.  She had received from Santa (or more likely, MRS. Santa) a WHOLE box of purple grape gumballs... the kind that they sold in candy stores.  I think a box was something like 280 pieces!  I was over at Ellen's and we were chewing this stuff like there was no tomorrow!  We would pop in a new piece without spitting out the old piece.  We were chomping away, our jaws filled with gum and our teeth purple from what can only be imagined in the dye, when Paul walked in as if he were John Wayne in the newest Western and said:  if I see one more piece of gum go in either of your mouths or any more chomping, I am going to throw away the rest of this box of gum and I will see to it you never get any more! 
Goodie Two Shoes Chicken spit out her gum and didn't dare eat another piece!
Ellen and I joke about the purple bubble gum all the time.  One time in recent years I visited her and took some purple bubble gum to her, but it wasn't the same kind.  I would give anything to find this kind again.  It would bring back a lot of memories.

I also remember some good times when Paul and Margaret moved down the street to their next house at Riverbend.  It was right ON the golf course....not across the street from the clubhouse.  Paul owned a golf cart for just tooling around in.  I thought golf carts were really awesome!  My Daddy used to take me out to Riverbend to play golf.  He 'bribed' me by letting me drive the golf cart!  I tell you....I have some very fond memories of driving my Daddy all around the golf course as he hit some good shots and some not so good shots. He always told me I was his 'good luck charm' whenever he played golf.  I don't know if it was dumb luck or not, but I will just assume that I DID bring him good luck!  If Daddy said I did, then it must be the truth.

One time we were at Paul and Margaret's for some family gathering.  I don't think it was Christmas because it wasn't really cold out.  Scott decided he was going to go out on the golf cart, in spite of the darkness.  He asked me to go along, and although I am goodie two shoes chicken, I wanted to go.  After all, my handsome and very cool cousin asked me to come along! 
Scott is less than a year younger than me, and of all my cousins, he is the closest in age.  Scott was (and is) quite handsome and he was definitely one of the 'cool' kids.  He was only one grade behind me, so in Junior High School, I knew it would be awesome to ride around Riverbend with Scott on a golf cart!  (Yes, besides being a goodie two shoes chicken, I am also a bit of a dork, I suppose!)
I remember to this day how funny it was that Scott pulled out from the back of the golf cart a big battery powered spot light~~he told me it was to shine in the cars of people out there 'parking!'  What a hoot!  There were parts of Riverbend that were notorious 'making out spots' and Scott knew about this and a trick to basically freak out those teenagers doing this. I don't think we actually found any 'parkers' to shine the light on, but the thought of that was just way too funny!

My Uncle Paul always made the Christmas party at his house extra special.  Something not everyone knew about him was his affinity for baking. He made the most awesome cakes....homemade coconut, red velvet, chocolate, German chocolate and pound cakes. I remember one Christmas he made over 20 cakes!  He didn't seem like the cake-baking type......but he was.  I guess that is one reason Ellen is such an amazing baker.

My very favorite Riverbend Cousin story is about the MORB.  I don't know if this impacted my other cousins as much as it did me, but I have never stopped telling this story or remembering it.  I won't be able to do it justice, but here goes.....
One time my cousins were all out at Riverbend at Paul and Margaret's house....their first Riverbend house on the hill.  We were ALL there....including Tommy Propst.  When he was around, he superceded Ellen in the 'oldest cousin' ranking!  Tommy was Madeline and Fred's son, and although he wasn't a Porter-born cousin, he was a Porter cousin just the same!  He was older than us all and he wasn't always involved in all our shenanigans.  However, in this instance, he was.
I truly don't remember the circumstance, the time or anything else.  I just know we were all there.  I also know all the parents were NOT there.  For some reason they were elsewhere.  So, I guess Tommy and Ellen were in charge.  And of course there was Bill....he was an older 'guy' cousin who we have always been able to to count on.
I remember being inside the house and we heard a loud noise in the distance.  It was a haunting noise....RRRMMMMM.  I don't know how to write it, but I have tried to verbally duplicate it whenever telling the story!
We all looked at each other and went about our business.  Then we heard it again.  And again.  Finally the older ones decided to be brave and go outside on the driveway.  We continually heard the sound.  All the rest of us slowly went out to the driveway until finally we were all out there.  We heard it again and again.  It was so scary!  I remember discussions of calling the police, etc.  I want to say someone did, but I am afraid I am embellishing the story too much.
Needless to say, Miss Goodie Two Shoes Chicken was scared out of her wits!
I don't recall how the rest of the story played out, but I remember Bill saying:  "well it's the MORB.....the Monster of RiverBend!"  I didn't faint, so I must have screamed! (I have been known to scream from time to time.....)
The MORB haunts me to this day.

I am not sure the mystery was ever solved, but I think our parents finally figured out that the noise was some cows mooing way off in the distance and the sound over the river and the hills was distorted to sound like RRRMMMMMM!
I am pretty sure even the older cousins were truly scared.  They may 'fess up' now and say they knew they were cows all along, but I will never believe them. I think they were scared along with the rest of us chickens!  They just had to put on their brave faces.

My cousins are really too much.  Nancy made a beautiful cake for Madeline's first birthday.  Patty had a personalized stool made for Madeline when she was born.  Janet kept my boys when I was dealing with my Dad in the hospitial the night he died.  Ellen smocked a dress for Madeline's portrait and Scott makes my Mom laugh.  Bill helped Paul out a lot and shares his wife, Susan, as a huge help to us when we need her.  Janet is always organizing the cousins and thinks of such special and thoughtful ideas when the rest of us don't.  Patty used to share her popsicles with me when her Mom divided the groceries between Patty and Scott to keep arguments at bay.  Nancy and Eddie helped try to do some matchmaking for me when we were in high school.  Janet shares her beautiful singing voice with us at such special times.  Ellen remembers everyone's birthday and anniversary and cares about preserving our family's heritage.  Patty makes jello and sends Pandora charms at the most meaningful times.  Bill speaks eloquently and prays amazing blessings.  Tommy Propst teased me to no end and is responsible for my first game of 52 card pick up (yes, I've been gullible all my life!)  Bill organized an impromptu dinner when Mom was moving to Florida and Nancy always opens her home for any family gathering.  Scott reminds us all of our daddies...he has that 'Porter way' about him.  Ellen makes us all laugh.  And cry.
I am not sure what I bring to the bunch, but I know I have always been a great mark for teasing.  Paul always called me either Freckles or Dimples, and I loved it every time he said it!
We all miss Martha and her contributions will forever be remembered.  May she rest in peace and may her memory live on in the cousins' book of stories!  We all feel the loss of the first of our cousins to leave this world.

Cousins aren't just the children of one's aunt or uncle.  Cousins come together for weddings and funerals.  They 'have your back' and brush your hair.  Cousins give great gifts and do matchmaking for you.  Cousins act as your siblings whether you actually have siblings or not.  They laugh with you and cry with you.  They know your past and look forward to your future.  They share meals with you.  Cousins can be themselves around each other....no need to stand on ceremony.  They share their toys and give you their popsicles.  They understand what you are talking about when you want to talk about your aging parents....one of them has surely "been there, done that."  Cousins are from your generation.  They know your story. They are your family.

And memories are made of this.

Archie Bunker Chair

Where we sit is important.  When we buy tickets to a play, a concert or a sporting event, the big issue is "where are the seats?"  We pay more for a premium seat that will lend itself to the best viewing area or that will give us more bang for our buck.
We arrive early at events where open seating is available so that we can grab the best seat available.  Recently on the 4th of July we left our own festivities early to get down to the Bay so that we could grab a seat that would be conducive to viewing the fireworks at a spot with the best 'wow' factor.
Seating is invariably a key factor in our enjoyment of certain events.

At home, most people have a special chair they like to call "their" chair.  My husband had such a chair.  I say had because I finally convinced him that it had to be replaced since it was falling apart and really looked disgusting in our family room.  We bought a nice new chair and ottoman, but "his" chair isn't quite gone yet.  It is in the garage ready to go out on the curb.  It has been there for several months now, and each Sunday night when the garbage gets put outside on the curb, that chair somehow gets overlooked. 
I call this chair his 'Archie Bunker chair'.  I think anyone who ever watched "All in the Family" knows about Archie Bunker's chair!  It is that special chair that Archie loves.  It doesn't matter who comes into the house....be it the minister of Edith's church or the newest neighbor...they are not welcomed or permitted to sit in Archie's chair.  He doesn't even allow his own daughter or her husband to sit in his chair!
My husband isn't quite this bad, but he runs a close second.

The funny thing about our Archie Bunker chair is that we spent 2 years, literally, going to furniture stores looking for new chairs.  I let Jim choose....sit in them, size them out, explore.  He never found a chair he liked.  It finally came down to a chair I found at Macy's.  This chair and its ottoman cost more than we had allowed in our budget for a replacement chair, but frankly, I was about to be sick of the whole thing.  Suddenly money didn't seem that important.  Jim told me he didn't like any chairs and that I could choose.  The deal was I would use the new chair and he would  move back to our recliner.  Back before my foot surgeries, that was the way the seating arrangements were at our house.  It wasn't until after the switch that Jim got so attached to this Archie Bunker chair. 
So, I bought the chair and ottoman from Macy's and put the Archie Bunker chair in the garage.  I sat in that new chair for a total of 2 days.  Fact of the matter, Jim decided it was pretty darn comfortable and it suddenly became "his" chair.  (I secretly fear an Archie Bunker Chair 2 on the rise!)  I don't know what I'm going to do when this chair wears out!  Hopefully I have many years before I have to go through any of that again.
The fact that I found a hole in my trusty recliner yesterday might just mean shopping for new furniture for the rest of the family room.  Shhh....I might just go this one alone!

Speaking of the Archie Bunker chair, I am led to remember other chairs on TV that were of significance.   Remember the trusty ottoman that Dick Van Dyke always tripped over?  I think most of us can shut our eyes and visualize that scene.
I know Jim and I watched "Cheers" religiously.  Each character had a special bar stool on that show.  Cliff and Norm particularly are 'visuals' when we think of this.  I guess that isn't quite the same as the Archie Bunker chair or Dick Van Dyke's ottoman, but the fact that certain people and/or characters are synonomous with the seats they occupied sort of solidifies my point.

I have trouble sleeping some nights.  Thank goodness I have discovered TVLand and Hallmark Channel.  I turn the TV on really low volume when I go to bed so that I don't wake up Jim.  I am not a huge TV person, so I can watch reruns of "King of Queens," "The Golden Girls,"  "Everybody Loves Raymond," or "Fraiser" and be quite content.  On each of these shows, the characters tend to sit in particular chairs.  The most scripted of these is in "Fraiser."  Fraiser's Dad moved in with him and had to bring his prized chair with him.  His Dad gave up his whole independence, except for this chair that is worn and doesn't match, and his dog.  His chair signifies more than anything on this show.  It is an endearing factor for Martin Crane.  There are whole episodes given to this chair....moving it around, disguising it, repairing it, etc.  In my mind, it is as close to an 'Archie Bunker Chair' as one can find! 
It also signifies a lot when we think of our parents aging and moving and changing.  Everyone needs something to cling to.....even if it is a weathered and worn old chair!

I know growing up on Ridgeview Drive, my Dad watched TV from the recliner in the family room.  I honestly cannot picture him in another chair in that house. 
After Daddy had his accident with the lawn mower where he cut off some toes, I can picture him sitting in this recliner with his hurt and mangled feet stretched out on the recliner.  I realized at this time that my lifelong dream (until about age 10) of becoming a nurse was squelched.  I could not look at my Dad's feet.  It was so bad that I would holler downstairs before approaching to warn him he needed to cover his feet as I was coming through!  I think that is one of the only regrets I have in life.  I can't believe I couldn't have been stronger for my Daddy in his time of need.  I guess the best part of this is that I realized that nursing wasn't for me if I couldn't even look at my Dad's bandaged wounds.  It kind of stinks because I think I have a caring nature and I might really be a good nurse.  But, I realized at age 10 that the sight of injury put me over the edge and that didn't make for a good nurse!

I never realized how attached Mom is to her recliner.  When she lived in Shelby she sat in it all the time.  I knew it was her comfortable spot, but I didn't realize just HOW comfortable!   As I visited more and more and spent more and more time there, I realized that this was more politely Mom's Archie Bunker Chair!  (The difference being, Mom WOULD offer to let other people sit in her recliner!)
When we were deciding what to bring and what not to bring to Florida when Mom moved, she almost left her trusty recliner behind.  She was visualizing a lovely apartment, which she did quite well, but I told her that her second bedroom could and should be a little den.  I thought she should put her recliner and her TV in there.  It turns out it is the cutest room in her apartment and besides her bed, she spends the most time in this little den......in her recliner!

It is funny, too, to realize how we are at church.  We always have our own spot or our own pew.  At our church, it depends on which service we go to as to which spot we sit.  We do, however, feel like we have an unspoken spot at each service!
We always laugh because Madeline's future in-laws always sit on the back row of the church at the contemporary service.  If we want to sit with them, we sit on the back row.  Funny.  I am not a back row kind of person.  Given extremes, I would choose the front row.
But, if we want to sit with these people that we know and love, we have to compromise and join them on the back row. 
The bonus, I guess, is that we have discovered you can whisper to each other and not worry about disturbing anyone!

I view myself as flexible and one who doesn't sweat the small stuff.  I don't claim any chair, but I do always sleep on a certain side of the bed and I do always sit in a particular seat at the breakfast room table, the dining room table, or the lanai table. 
We each actually have our particular chairs in the living room on Christmas morning when we open our gifts.  Madeline sees to it that we don't "stray" from our normal habitat!


I guess Archie Bunker had it right.  There is comfort in having a "place" in your own home. 

And memories are made of this.




The empty spot is "my" seat at the Thanksgiving table



Baby Leo found a comfy spot on the Archie Bunker Chair

Christmas morning breakfast table
(each of us has our 'unassigned' seat!)

Mom's favorite spot...her recliner from Shelby
now at her home at Stratford Ct. in Florida!